Sometimes the only way to really forget everything is to go to sleep.

Even though it’s only for a few hours, I disconnect, I unplug myself from reality, from everyone and everything. I feel like a dark, heavy cloud is raining over me and only me. The rain droplets scald my skin and it soaks every bone in my body.

My body feels limp and numb, lifeless. Everything is too much effort. Breathing, blinking, swallowing, moving. Things I need to do to survive require the utmost effort, sometimes I think what if I just stopped? Sometimes it is tempting.

Nothing is appealing anymore. It’s like sinking into a big black hole.

The only thing that makes me forget anything is if I sleep. It’s only temporary, but it briefly elevates the pain. The problem is, I know I have to wake up. Then the vicious cycle repeats itself.

Sometimes I think what if I could do something to delay my sleep even longer?

I could sleep more peacefully

Without ever waking up again.

Maybe then really I’ll feel happy…