I wonder what it feels like to relax I wonder what it feels like to be content I wonder how life could be Without the constant worry The constant overthinking The unnecessary stress I bring upon myself My mind is always active Actively worrying My body is tense Tensely apprehensive I worry until I make myself sick I worry until I make everyone around me sick But for just one day Even for just one moment I wonder what it feels like to relax

She doesn’t look like me. She doesn’t sound like me. Why is she touching him? Why is she kissing him? Why is he kissing her? Oh my god. I know who it is, it’s her, it can’t be, please god no don’t let it be. She’s telling him she’s always loved him, he tells her the same. They embrace, they reminisce, they look deeply at each other…

I feel like I’ve woken up from an electric shock. My heart is pounding through my chest and through my throat. Sweat is soaking my body, but I feel as dry as a desert. I always felt like something was off about her. Her gaze lingers at him for too long. Her hands hold onto him for too long. I don’t trust her, and he shouldn’t either. A lot of women struggle with their partners having female friends. Platonic as they may be, a woman’s intuition is never one to doubted in any circumstance.

I’ve been having these nightmares every night. I feel like I’m in a horror movie. Her presence is haunting, everything is haunting me. My partner is so unaware and I’m being consumed by constant worry and fear. My body is itching to tell him. But how would that make me look? Crazy, insecure, jealous. Crazy girlfriend alert. I can’t bear him viewing me as that, I’m better than that.

She’s coming to his dance class tonight. The ladies swoon over him as he twirls and leaps in the air. I feel like drowning in a cave, i feel heat running all through body, anger coursing through me. I can’t take this anymore. Time to found out who she really is. Time to prove a woman’s intuition is never wrong.

I am on the floor. No, literally on the floor. I can’t breathe and I’m clutching onto my stomach. My stomach feels like I’ve done a million crunches all at once and my stomach muscles are starting to spasm. But I can’t stop smiling, my cheeks are hurting, I haven’t done this in a while. The strangest noises are escaping my mouth, is something wrong with me? It feels abnormal but I don’t care, i’m so in the moment. Tears begin to gather in the corner of my eyes, then proceed to pour down my face, but I’m not sad in the slightest, I’m actually very happy. Everyone around me seems to be acting this way too, we are all happy and in the moment. We are all laughing.

How often are we simply at one with nature? How often do we allow nature to be at one with us? As I breathe in natures wild air As the breeze trickles alongside me As I hear the bird song in the tree above me echo all around me My eyes grow my heavy So does my body My fingers trace along the luscious grass beneath me I took a moment And so should you I look after nature And I know nature looks after me

Let’s play a game shall we? Games are fun right? Let’s start by counting down from three One… Is there something wrong? You look scared? We are just playing a game? Games are fun…right? Two… I know it’s just us two in this room
This game only requires two players Games are fun…right? Oh dear, what happened to the lights? There is no need to be scared What’s so scary about darkness? Not everything can be in the daylight all the time What’s the fun in that? Just means I’ll have to come closer to see you to find you now… I will find you… And I- Three…. Games are fun right?

He sighed He lied He let our worlds collide He tried to hide He could never abide He dragged me in like a riptide
He sighed He lied He did what only he could do to survive

Joyous Furious Remorseful Heartbroken Masks can be taken on and off accordingly Sorrowful Disheartened Giddy Masks are something we have learned to use Certain situations Need necessary precautions Masks An everyday mood changer

Never again do I allow my body to shut down Never again do I allow pain to swallow my body whole Never again do I stoop so low Never again do I reach for the easiest way out Never again do I allow myself to imprison my mind Never again do I press that potentially fatal bottle to my lips… Never. Again.

I have a devil on one shoulder An angel on the other I am so indecisive Who will save me? Fire or ice? Who will talk sense into me? The angel or the devil? I am not evil Yet I am not an angel I find myself in a difficult situation One which I have to protect and defend myself How can I do that by being kind? How will I ever be heard? But yet how can I ever expect to get far when I am evil? Who do I surrender myself to? I feel an intense wave of heat stroking my body Flames scorching my insides My blood boiling and bubbling inside me I hate everyone I hate everything It is now my time to protect myself To be tough with myself and everyone I feel the devil seeping rapidly through me I am talking with the devil.

Sometimes the only way to really forget everything is to go to sleep. Even though it’s only for a few hours, I disconnect, I unplug myself from reality, from everyone and everything. I feel like a dark, heavy cloud is raining over me and only me. The rain droplets scald my skin and it soaks every bone in my body. My body feels limp and numb, lifeless. Everything is too much effort. Breathing, blinking, swallowing, moving. Things I need to do to survive require the utmost effort, sometimes I think what if I just stopped? Sometimes it is tempting. Nothing is appealing anymore. It’s like sinking into a big black hole. The only thing that makes me forget anything is if I sleep. It’s only temporary, but it briefly elevates the pain. The problem is, I know I have to wake up. Then the vicious cycle repeats itself. Sometimes I think what if I could do something to delay my sleep even longer? I could sleep more peacefully Without ever waking up again. Maybe then really I’ll feel happy…