“She-she’s gone Leah”

My brain starts to spiral. It tries to make sense of how someone can be and then, just, not. I sit down quietly, then stand. I start to pace. I want to hide in this moment. To not have to move forward. Time freezes and I want it to stay that way. I want to go to her house. Drag her out of her room like I’ve always had to do. Maybe I should’ve tried harder, picked up on the signs. The silent cries for help. I know she didn’t communicate how she was feeling, but she also really did. Emotions are coming is waves. Just adding more and more every millisecond. Confusion, denial, guilt, shame, anger. The secondary emotions of reacting to the original ones. ‘Who are I to be angry?’ I look over at her mother. How much time has pasted is unknown to me. The face she wears tells me that I can’t stay frozen here. Time goes on, and so must I.