"i dont know why! i just couldnt help myself!" i pase around the room, hands in my hair and tears streaming down my face. they drip into my mouth and i sniff. after silence passes for far too long, i look up at my partner. hes sitting there, staring at me, silently crying. sorrow instantly tugs at my insides. seeing him like this makes everything inside me squeeze. i feel claustrophobic suddenly. like my life is crashing and tumbling around me. i stumble foreward and place my hands on his cheeks: "im so sorry". i whisper my apologies five hundred times over, hoping that he'd forgive me.

his hands find my waist and he pulls me onto his lap, cradling me and soothing my onslaught of tears. why is he doing this? im the one who hurt him. im the one who brings him all this pain. i sniff and look up at him, shaking my head. he silences my unspoken words with a look: "theres no need to apologise, we'll get through this, im here with you." i nod and sniff again, reaching up amd wiping his tears from his face.

its at this point where i realise ive been in denial. for so long ive been living my life with him, convincing myself i dont love him. that maybe this will pass. im so scared of hurting him that loving him is an impossible thing. but now- i cant imagine life with anyone else. hes my endgame. my problems, my happiness, my stresses... i wnat to experience it all with him. my love from him fills me up so much i forget all my previous regrets. the fight from earlier on today feels like years ago as im held in his arms. the clock behind us ticks slower and outside the trees move gracefully in the wind. i shuffle on his lap and look at him, trying to engrave his feautures into my brain. the words fall out before i can even think: "i love you".

the grin on his face that follows is one i want to burn into the back of my eyelids. "i love you too. it doesnt matter about the fight you got in, im more worried about if you are ok- a- are you ok??" his hoarse voice kills me. hes been crying so much his throat is dry, because of me. i shake the thoughts away before i can let them cloud my judgement.

"im ok," i smile at him to solidify the fact im telling the truth and he returns it. i stand and hold out my hand. "shall we go get some pizza now?" he nods quickly and i lean forward, kissing the top of his head before walking out of the room, grabbing my keys.