I wish you could understand the shit I go through,

My anger rages because I can’t understand you.

Emotions run high but my face is deadpan,

Feeling happy, not sad at a funeral of my fam.

High school lunches were spent alone,

Dying over books or notifications on phone.

I wanna hang with friends, learn friendship song,

But whenever I do it all goes wrong.

I can’t understand if you’re happy or sad,

When I get it wrong, you get so mad.

People tell me I act like a burst dam,

Yet I can’t explain that this is who I am.

Treated different by students and teachers,

Making me think I had to be cleansed by preachers.

My anger is trouble but I can’t always control,

Yet I refuse to be known as an invalid doll.

Obsessed over fandoms and celebrities more than devils,

I knew more about Harry Potter than my A-levels.

But I’m beaten down for what keeps me calm,

People forget that it keeps me from harm.

Who cares if I’m obsessed over dicks?

Or listening 24/7 to Pumped up Kicks?

It’s my choice in how I perceive world perks,

I can’t help how my brain works.

My body reacts depending on what you say,

Is it true that my happiness ruins your day?

I’m different and if I don’t do this, someone will strike like a bolt,

If I do this now, it won’t be my fault.

I imagine life in my head like moving art,

See, hear, smell and watch, like I’m not apart.

It’s the reason why I wanna be a screenwriter,

To prove I gave worth as a fighter.

Sensory overload is like a firework in your soul,

Hot and scary, losing sense of control.

If things get too much I leave the situation,

Plug in headphones blasting a Spotify station.

People often ask why my poetry is amazing,

I think my autism boosts that spring.

Although I have hatred for this unholy piece of shit,

I still have to learn to live with it.

I can only live with it, if others understand,

That autism ain’t a mental illness from a foreign land.

We are still like you but I feel less free,

I have autism, and this is fucking me!