Fuck this shit. What the fuck is going on. While I try and practice gracefulness, gratefulness, patience and a constant seeking of knowledge and learning, fall short sometimes.

Days go by, however, I try to stay present. Wake up and go get it because capitalism is all we’ve known. We were given this world, we didn’t make it man. So, I rise and move like a dying butterfly, still alive flying colorful and right where I am to be. Routines or should I say, or, I want to say, rituals of the morning begin. I look in that mirror for maybe a few moments, maybe can count the time in minutes on one hand or 2. What is a man, but a pile of lies. Regret is poison. I truly do love myself, but we all feel incomplete sometimes.

Look in the mirror and I am alone. Am I lonely? Or alone? Or sometimes all of that yet still so connected to almost anyone. Both via an internet connection but a 9th realm and below touch of spirit ascencion I know I reached. Does it ware off? Use it or lose it type thing. Should I turn my engine off sometimes, check under the hood and keep going? Perhaps I do that as I fall into my chair, my bed again after the day. Perhaps I do that when I rise and go into that shower and pause a moment. Or maybe when I remember i am worth it, i am worthy. Worthy of love and space and time.

Is it demons? Ah, i live with them, i slayed them. They float around, but don’t really exist anymore. I think I’m me at this point, this pile of human flesh and lies and star dust as the…the…enlightened ones say? The ones who surpassed the normies or are now the normies. Like: “of course, yea man.” In the mirror i remind myself, the world should be and is all one love, yea yea. But that’s not reality, different peoples experiences are valid and i will not, i will not dismiss them based on my experience or the experiences i hear and see on the innerwebs. All good though, onward.

Man i wish i could keep smoking weed like before and just be alive. Man i have vices. Man I’m not perfect. Damn, what a trip in the mirror.