I’m tired of waiting

Always waiting

Wondering when you’ll notice

I gave you so many signs

It’s not hard to understand

That I’m not what you

Want me to be

When do I have to

Destroy the perfect picture

Of the girl you think I am

I’m sitting here

My world spinning

My heart pumping

Too fast

Too slow

My thoughts scattered

But you don’t know

You can’t see it

You won’t see it

“They can find it in anyone”

That’s not how it works

When do I have to tell you

When do I give up

The hope of being perfect

Fitting into your box

Fitting in

Some people won’t like

That I’m saying all of this

It makes them feel invalidated

Or something like that

But when do I get to say

That I know myself

Well enough to tell

I don’t want to destroy her

The dream daughter

That you see me as

But she never really existed in the first place

When I walked in circles

Around

Around

Around you

You told me

“Stop sharking”

Like I wanted to in the first place

That was a sign

When I sast in class

And my mind started reeling

My heart running

When I felt dizzy

At the thought of being called on

That was a sign

When I wouldn’t eat anything

That wasn’t beige

And cheesy

And simple

When I didn’t finish my cereal

If it got even a little soggy

When I wouldn’t eat anything

That I didn’t deem “normal”

That was a sign

When I used the carpet

To dry my hands

Because I hated the feel

Of the towels

That was a sign

When I couldn’t sleep

Unless you held me

Read to me

At the same time every night

In the same place

The same voice

Or I wouldn’t sleep

That was a sign

How many signs does it take

To break the box

To free myself

To get what I need

How many signs does it take

To destroy the person

You think I am