he broke my heart and my will. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to do something, I guess, but I also just want to sit and cry, wishing he didn’t exist. then feeling bad about hating him so much and being mean, even if it’s only in my head. not like I even talk to him anymore. not like he talks to me anymore, either. I bet he’s forgotten all about me. he’d rather talk to his new girlfriend. although it’s not even that new anymore. it’s been months. it shouldn’t matter. but it does. I wish it didn’t. I wish I could just be normal. I wish a lot of things. most of all, I wish I never told him how I felt. that’s what started it all. and the start was also the start of the end. I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut. I was always the smart one, so everyone said. guess I proved them all wrong. they still think it, though. not like anyone knows what happened between us. I don’t even know what happened anymore. it was all a lie. didn’t feel like it. but that’s what you said it was. and I don’t know if you lied before or just then when you said that. I want to believe it’s the second, that all the rest was real. but why? why would you throw that all away? maybe it wasn’t all great as I thought it was. I guess I’ll never know. I hate that.