Those hazel eyes are soft; eyes that don’t belong to a killer. I know his gaze, the gaze that belongs solely to me. But how could I be so sure? He’s already hidden so much from me, my whole life is built up upon a lie.

“Please say something,” he beckoned.

But i just stared at him. Studying his motions, noticing a small twitch in his face. My eyes lingered to his lips, a pair which i am all too familiar with.

“Self defense? That’s it…right?” The words slipped out of my mouth before I had a chance to realize what I was saying.

“Purely self defense. Come on, you know me Jade, you know I would never kill a man on purpose. And even though it was just self defense,” he paused and licked his lips before continuing,” I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I have blood stained on my hands and in my heart forever. I know he was a bad man but he had a family J, a wife and kids. He was just a boy once, and I took his life.”

I crawled closer to him, tracing his hairline with my thumb. His eyes fluttered shut and a faint tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. I began wrapping my hands around his neck when he buried his face into my shoulder and began to sob. I tensed up before instantly grabbing the back of his head, tangling my fingers into his strawberry blonde hair.

“Shhhh, it’s okay, i’m here, it’s okay.” I choked, seeing him like this was hard to handle.

“I didn’t mean to,” he cried,” I did it without thinking I-I didn’t realize until it was too late.”

I just held him and didn’t let go. I held him like the world was ending and if I let go, I would end with it .

Finally, he looked up at me, there were those eyes I adored so much. I cupped his face, wiping his tears away with the pad of my thumb.

“You look tired.” He said to me, forcing a smile.

“Don’t worry about me.”

“You need sleep.”

“And you need me, so I won’t leave.”

“Who said anything about leaving?” And before i could respond he cradled me and picked me up, lying me down gently onto the bed. Once he climbed in, he pulled me up against him. I sighed a breath of relief. He wrapped his strong arms around me. I could feel him breathing, I could feel his heart slowing down.

I felt so safe while in his arms, like I could just collapse. I could get used to sleeping like this.

He planted a soft kiss onto the temple of my forehead and murmured,” Goodnight my love.”

I wondered if he could hear my heartbeat grow faster, but I was too tired to care. I sank into his arms, a never ending void that I never wanted to escape from.

I fought to stay awake but in the end, drowsiness took over.

I was running, running from a monster who was no monster at all, he pinned me down and pulled up his knife aiming straight for my heart.

I awoke with a shriek.

“What is it, what’s wrong?” Calix propped himself up on his elbows.

“Nothing,” I stuttered,” just a nightmare, you can go back to sleep, i’ll be fine.”

“First of all, your not okay and I’ll hold you until you fall asleep again. And second, I was never asleep to begin with.”

“Why not?”

Calix blinked,” How can I fall asleep at such a perfect moment?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “You need sleep as much as I do,”

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in once again.

“Go to sleep.” He whispered.

This time I didn’t protest, I fell right back into a deep slumber. I was worried for Calix though. I need him like I need oxegyn. I’ve never seen him break down like he did tonight. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I never want him to feel that way again. So I wrapped my hands tightly around his arms and decided I was never letting go.