I love this feeling

I live on it,

Thrive on it

I feel it bubble and pop in my veins

I feel it constrict my lungs

Twist and turn and

Contort and cry out

The words swallowed whole

As my heart withers and wrenches

But the black spreads

And the pain is fueled

And yet

I

Want

More.

But I hate this

I hate how it drowns my head

Shatters my thoughts

And pulls me down

Restrains me to the bed

I hate this feeling in my chest,

This monster never at rest,

It withers and waits

It wrings out my screams

Like they’re picturesque

And they seem to be

It constricts in my chest

Like the monster is dying to get out

It crawls inside me

And it lives on me

It thrives on me

And

I

Can’t

Breathe.