Sitting at the edge of that church pew, your right leg was bouncing up and down next to mine. I crossed my left leg over my right to contain my shaking, placing my folded hands on top for extra stability. I took deep breaths to steady my heart. ‘Should I ask?’ I wonder.

Before I get the chance to overthink it, my mouth opens on it’s own. “Are you nervous?” I ask, leaning forward and trying to project my voice. People are always telling me to talk louder, and for once I want to talk to this person. You.

You turn back to me, warm brown eyes twinkling and you smile nervously. For a moment your leg stops bouncing and for only a second, I feel something pass between us. “A little,” you mumble, looking down at the ground, then over to the stage in front of us. I try to reassure you with a small smile and nod, but you’ve turned back to the other group singing by now. I’m tempted to reach out and grab your hand, but my brain has already dealt with enough of my body disobeying it.

‘I love you,’ I think silently, staring at the back of your head, as you wring your hands around your water bottle, taking one last nervous sip before we go. If only you knew, before it was too late.