TW

Everything started to fade. I felt relieved as I saw the blood on the floor. My blood. As it dripped from my wrist to the forming pool on the floor, I saw a reflection. My reflection staring back reaching for me. As it pulled me closer and closer to the ground, everything turned black.

I opened my eyes and it looked like my normal day in school. Perhaps I had just been dreaming. However, I was not in my usual spot. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I tried and tried until I fell. I fell through the table and onto the floor. I got back up and looked at myself, but I was translucent. Am I a ghost?

I looked back at the figure I had just gotten free from. It was my best friend. "She's asleep again, what's wrong now?" I heard my best friend's voice echo through the room as if we were in a cave, but his mouth wasn't moving. Maybe, it was his thoughts. I looked at where he was looking. He was looking at me? Is that me? There was someone who looked like me sitting at my spot. Perhaps it was actually my dream.

"She looks so peaceful in her sleep. It's like her only break from life is when she isn't even conscious." My head snapped back at him. He had a blank expression but I could see a bit of concern in his eyes.

Suddenly, everything seemed to move like the calm waves of the sea. It was dizzying and I felt faint. I looked to the floor and my reflection stared back at me from the blood on the floor that dripped from my wrist. I didn't even noticed the blood. My reflection pulled me again and I blacked out.

I opened my eyes and I looked around me. I was at the soccer field and there I, or my doppelgänger, was. I was trying to get the ball from my friend. He was great with the ball, but I was still able block his way to the goal. I was a defender as I usually am. His teammate was open and he passed it to him. Then, his teammate shot to the goal and my best friend, who was our goalkeeper, saved it. It was a very good save. All of their voices seemed so far away. Everyone was happy, after all we were all good friends.

I, my translucent self, was there for a while, watching from the stands, smiling as I, my doppelgänger, went up and out of my defense position and scored, laughing as they shot the ball way too high that it went on the roof of the pavilion. It was good that the roof was slanted and we got the ball again. We continued to play and it was sunset when we finished.

"I love it when she smiles. She's happy every time we play soccer. It distracts her. I just wish that she's always happy. I just wish that she wasn't as hurt as she is." I heard his voice yet again. We liked each other and we knew it. Actually, the whole school knows it. I mean, it was a small school so word gets around quickly. We were still middle school though, so we didn't want to go too fast and we decided it would be better to stay best friends first and become official at high school, which was a year from now.

"I just want to help her, but I don't know how. She always says she's fine even though I know she isn't. She says the scars are from accidents even though I know it's not." He knows? I thought my act convinced everyone. I followed my bestfriend and my doppelgänger through the hallways.

As we were walking, I almost slipped. I looked to the floor and saw a trail of blood. It dripped from my wrist. I looked at my wrist for a while then looked at myself. I looked at my arm with my "door handle" scar, my "table" scar, and my "fence" scar. They did look a bit too deep and I always reopened the wounds so that I wouldn't have to make more excuses for more scars and I could just say 'yeah, I picked and reopened the wound. That's why it's reopened again.'

I looked at the scars on my legs. There was way more on my legs. They were easily covered with jeans, but I was using short right now. However, I was smart with my cuts. I put them scattered and like I had fallen. All my excuses for those scars were 'I was clumsy and I fell.'

Looking at the scars for a long time, I began to feel faint again. The blood on the floor seemed to look closer and closer. And it went black.

"Why do people want to hurt a beautiful, sweet girl like her? Why is she so cruel to herself?" I opened my eyes to my best friend walking around the hallways, passing other people. He checked a couple classrooms and met with my girl close friends. I saw them ask each other if they had found me. They didn't. I remember this day. I had hidden in the bathroom because of something the girls had said that triggered a flashback. That day in break time, I ran away and locked myself in the bathroom. They searched, but didn't find me. I showed up at the next class. When they asked, I simply said I was just walking around the school for fresh air.

"I'm worried about her. She went through so much and she's struggling. I just hope she holds on." I'm trying, but why does life always hurts. I'm trying my best. I'm never enough. I try to be good, but people always hurt me. I try to be happy, but everything always haunts me. I'm trying to hold on, but I don't know how to.

Drip, drip, drip. The sounds echo like heartbeats. I look at the floor and see the blood. It was from my wrist. Did I go too far? At least, I don't have to suffer anymore.

But, I didn't know.

I didn't know you cared.

I didn't know how much you cared.

Now, I don't know whether I do want to leave.

I don't know whether I went too far.

- Jeans