"Hey!" I called out to him, but he kept on walking away.

"Hey! George!" I called out again and finally, he turned around. I slowly walked to him.

"Yeah, why?" He asked surprised and curious.

"I-" As my tears welled up in my eyes from my fear of being right about an upcoming rejection and being wrong for ever loving him, I knew I needed to know for sure. I needed to tell him.

"Hey, Quinn, what's wrong?" He was concerned. But was he concerned as a friend, sibling, or much more?

"I've been keeping this in me for so long and I need to get it out. But please don't leave when I tell you." I was shaking by now and he was holding my shoulders so concerned.

"Quinn, you're worrying. Just tell me."

"Promise me you won't leave me."

Our eyes stared into each other's soul. A very painful suspenseful silence.

"I promise," he finally said.

"It's just- I- I love you."

Silence filled the air. I could hear my tears drip on the cold tiled floors. I felt the despair and disappointment growing as his face turned sad. I knew that I was wrong to love. I should have known I was right that he would never look at me the way that I did.

He wiped my tears with his thumb while his hand cupped my face. He stayed silent until he finally opened his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he pulled me into a hug, "but please know, that even if I don't feel the same as you do, I will never leave you."

I learned that day and the days after that we were meant to be the bestest of friends, but never to be lovers.

Laughing as I jumped into the waters, You knew of their dangerous calls. Laughing because you blocked out the sounds, But made me listen to their enchanting song.

No rope to keep me grounded, You smiled as I obeyed their whispers. No promise greater than theirs, A greater relief to let go of life's strings.

• Kezia (my friend's work)

A villain in the making, I'm the lead in my motion picture. All the time it's taking, Kindness seems to be a fiction.

All my good deeds, Returned with a piece of their envy. Every single one of my needs, Thrown away without second thought.

Lesson learned, No good left on earth. Backs turned, That's when they talk.

I'm not a backstabber, I'll fight face to face. Not to be a bragger, But the evil in me is stronger.

You hurt me, Now revenge is all I seek. Sweet is what you see in me, But that sweet has expired.

Oh my love, You were my drug. Oh my love, You were the acid.

Breaking me down, Confusing pain with love. Made me a clown, My addiction got out of hand.

Oh my love, I craved you. Oh my love, I was desperate.

Bla bla bla, All your blabbers I'll ignore. Ha ha ha, I'll laugh when you taste your own medicine.

Oh my love, You'll regret all you did. Oh my love, I'll never be sorry for what'll happen.

That girl, She's gone. This girl, Is so much more.

• Kezia (my friend's work)

~November 2~ I don't know why I'm doing this. I've never made a diary. I guess now I feel like I need to give an explanation or something for something I'm thinking of doing? I don't know. I mean like no one's gonna care anyways haha... I might just end the diary here.

~November 6~ Haven't I suffered enough? What have I done? I've tried my best. I've been patient. I've stayed kind to others when they haven't. Why won't they stop?

~November 8~ The past is haunting me again haha.

~November 11~ Funny that I'm always such an easy victim.

~November 12~ Rumors hurt. Please don't spread them especially if they're fake. Especially if you did it to me, but you said I did it to you. Please. Just don't hurt people for your own attention. That's my wish for when I'm gone.

~November 15~ Just please don't hurt people. It affects them for a long time. It's hard for them, ok? They feel lonely. They don't have anyone. Everyone leaves them because they believe in the lies spread. Please just don't.

~November 18~ It's my fault, isn't it? All of this? I understand now. They don't want to be close because of me. Because I'm a disappointment. I couldn't even clean my room. It's a mess and I'm a mess. Because I'm an attention-seeker? I talk and make jokes because I want to be noticed. I should stop. Maybe people will forgive me. Maybe they will be happier.

~November 21~ They still won't look in my direction. I guess I was useless anyways haha. I should've guessed.

~November 24~ It's getting worse.

~November 29~ I want to, you know. Hahaha.

---

I might make this idea into an actual book under my real name. Of course, with better writing and plot and stuff since this is just an idea. So yeah lol hi.

Then it begins. I stuffed all the weapons, pushed in a lot of ammo, and put the other important things in my duffel bag. The others started to immediately load their guns and use the other things on spot, except my two best friends who did the same as I did. We had talked about the plan. We took off and didn't look back.

It was a small town and we knew our best bet was the city which was probably an hour walk. We knew that took too long so we had to go incognito. Eugene and Pierre went to steal and hijack a car while buying other important things. Since I was the girl in the trio, I went quickly shopping for disguise. It was a good thing they gave us a decent amount of money before it began. Since we were working together, the only ones who were, we used an equivalent of one person's given money to buy all of the extra important things. I bought hair-dye, scissors, clothes, glasses, and hats.

I told them I'd wait by the fountain and as I ran there, a car without a license plate sped to me. It stopped next to me. I opened the door, jumped in, and slammed it. And we went speeding again to the tollway. Luckily, Eugene knew how to speed fast and safely. The police were following us from behind and we immediately went off the toll and turn sharply to the forest. We crashed through the bush and kept speeding. When we were far enough out, we parked our car in a spot covered by trees.

"That was close," I said as I walked out of the car.

"Remember," Eugene seriously looked at me, "this is just the beginning."

"I'll fill the gas and put in this license plate while you two have your moment." Pierre smiled mischievously.

"Pierre!" Both of us in sync.

He laughed. Blood rushed to my face, but there wasn't time for a moment of talking or whatever. Time was ticking.

"I'm dying your hair brown." I hated how much we needed to do this. I love his dirty blond hair. At least, his beautiful color-changing eyes would stay. His eyes were a strong green color mixed with a bit of brown reflecting the nature around us.

"As much as I'm going to hate this, go ahead." He sat down on the brown and I began dying it. After I finished putting it on and while he waits for it to dry, I started to cut my straight waist-long hair to a shoulder-length messy wolf cut. Then Eugene bleached my black hair, while I bleached Pierre's black hair after he had finished his stuff.

We hopped back in the van and drove where at least we think was closer to the city. We had lost sense of direction while escaping the cops. After an hour of driving, we couldn't find the city, but we kept on driving. There was something at every end of the forest. If we didn't reach the closest city, we'll reach another.

After a couple more hours, we found a small stream of water. We stopped and parked there. We washed our hair. Pierre and my hair turned into a platinum color while Eugene's hair turned brunette. We figured it'll be the best disguise to be siblings, so we picked something that would lead no one to our actual selves. I began dying my hair brunette and Pierre did too. Eugene began painting the current white van into grey with the paint they bought. While Pierre and I waited for our dye to dry, we helped Eugene paint the van and by then, the sky was growing darker.

After we finished the painting, Pierre and I washed our hair. The three of us now had the same brunette hair. I went in the van to organize the space while the boys showered. The backseat was full of the stuff we just threw to be fast. When I had finished organizing, the boys opened the van door.

"We're done, Gem." I looked at them. They looked so different with the new hair and clothes.

"Isn't it hot, Lenny?" My friend turned to me. Yes, it was a hot day, but I wouldn't take off my jacket for anything.

"Nah, I'm fine."

"There's no way you're not hot."

"Oh, thank you," I winked at her.

She slapped my shoulder, "oh shut up!"

We laughed and continued talking about other things. I was thankful that we didn't talk more of it. There was a specific reason I always used jackets.

---

It was the day to swim. Oh shoot, I have no long sleeve swimming suits. Well, I guess it's fine then. Just. Don't. Think. About. It.

I looked at my reflection in my mirror. It was like tiny red fire ants were crawling up my arm. I was disgusted at the bumps on my skin. People always had clear, soft skin. I had these ugly scars. Every time I didn't use jackets, I would start to pick them out of anxiousness. I hated it.

"Lenny!" I shook out of my frozen stare.

"Lenora! Let's go!" My friends called for me again.

"Yeah, um. I'm coming!" I pulled my towel over my arms and headed out.

---

"Hey jump in with us! Or we'll push you in," We laughed, I took off the towel and immediately jumped in the pool. The faster I get in, the less time they have to look at my arms.

"First time I've seen you without any sleeves," Freya told me.

"Hehe yeah, I'm just usually cold."

---

"Lenny, what's wrong with your arm?" Iyana asked. I froze.

"I don't know what's wrong. Haha, I hate it. It's weird. My mom said it might be skin allergy or something."

"Eh, it's not that weird. It's like, um, unique, I guess?" I felt like she was trying to comfort me, but it didn't do anything. I still hate it, but I can't change it.

• Jeans

Step. Away from the ghosts and demons that haunt me from my past.

Step. Away from those who can hurt me.

Step. Away from the stress that keep my notebooks wet from tears.

Step. Away from all the overwhelming responsibilities.

Step. Away from the constant pain.

The final step. As I free fall to the quickly approaching ground.

Wait! I don't want to be away from my loved ones.

Too late. I guess an end needs sacrifices.

• Jeans

"I wish," I shake as tears drips down my face, "I wish-" "Don't you dare say it!" He begs as he steps closer to me. "I just wish that-" "No, please," he takes another careful step closer. "Why not?" I ask, as I hold the knife closer to my heart that it touches my shirt. "Because I love you. Please we can get through this together." "I love you too. But-" "No buts please. Just put away the knife please." His eyes are filled with tears by now. His voice starts to shake. It's the first time I've ever seen him cry. "You're the love of my life, but I'm just a burden. You'll realize it when I'm gone. You'll be hap-" "Jeannette, stop it. You don't know how much you bring me life. I know it's hard, but you could do it. You're strong. Please put the knife away." "You don't know what you're saying." "I do. I love you. And if you die, I'll go with you. I love you even if death parts us apart. I'll love you when you're gone. I'll spend the rest of my life missing you. I'll spend it begging for you to come back. Those days would be so much agony that I will die to reunite with you. So, please put it away. At least, for me?" His voice breaking as he begs. As tears stream down his face. I slowly, shakily put the knife at the sink. He immediately jumps and hugs me tight against the wall, making sure I don't do anything else and in love and worry. I break down once again, "I just wish to be in peace. I wish my problems would go away. I-" I couldn't finish my sentences without breaking down yet again. "I know. I know. I wish it would too."

• Jeans

My default is to think, Think of my studies or my friends, Of the past or the future.

Thinking is a tool, A tool is neutral, Until it is used with a motive.

It is a skill, It is a practice, Until it becomes a habit.

Thinking leads to consequences, Sometimes good, Sometimes bad.

I think and think, They say I think too much, I think about you and life without you.

You are my never-ending thought, And thinking to be without you, I think I would be dead.

• Jeans

TW

Everything started to fade. I felt relieved as I saw the blood on the floor. My blood. As it dripped from my wrist to the forming pool on the floor, I saw a reflection. My reflection staring back reaching for me. As it pulled me closer and closer to the ground, everything turned black.

I opened my eyes and it looked like my normal day in school. Perhaps I had just been dreaming. However, I was not in my usual spot. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I tried and tried until I fell. I fell through the table and onto the floor. I got back up and looked at myself, but I was translucent. Am I a ghost?

I looked back at the figure I had just gotten free from. It was my best friend. "She's asleep again, what's wrong now?" I heard my best friend's voice echo through the room as if we were in a cave, but his mouth wasn't moving. Maybe, it was his thoughts. I looked at where he was looking. He was looking at me? Is that me? There was someone who looked like me sitting at my spot. Perhaps it was actually my dream.

"She looks so peaceful in her sleep. It's like her only break from life is when she isn't even conscious." My head snapped back at him. He had a blank expression but I could see a bit of concern in his eyes.

Suddenly, everything seemed to move like the calm waves of the sea. It was dizzying and I felt faint. I looked to the floor and my reflection stared back at me from the blood on the floor that dripped from my wrist. I didn't even noticed the blood. My reflection pulled me again and I blacked out.

I opened my eyes and I looked around me. I was at the soccer field and there I, or my doppelgänger, was. I was trying to get the ball from my friend. He was great with the ball, but I was still able block his way to the goal. I was a defender as I usually am. His teammate was open and he passed it to him. Then, his teammate shot to the goal and my best friend, who was our goalkeeper, saved it. It was a very good save. All of their voices seemed so far away. Everyone was happy, after all we were all good friends.

I, my translucent self, was there for a while, watching from the stands, smiling as I, my doppelgänger, went up and out of my defense position and scored, laughing as they shot the ball way too high that it went on the roof of the pavilion. It was good that the roof was slanted and we got the ball again. We continued to play and it was sunset when we finished.

"I love it when she smiles. She's happy every time we play soccer. It distracts her. I just wish that she's always happy. I just wish that she wasn't as hurt as she is." I heard his voice yet again. We liked each other and we knew it. Actually, the whole school knows it. I mean, it was a small school so word gets around quickly. We were still middle school though, so we didn't want to go too fast and we decided it would be better to stay best friends first and become official at high school, which was a year from now.

"I just want to help her, but I don't know how. She always says she's fine even though I know she isn't. She says the scars are from accidents even though I know it's not." He knows? I thought my act convinced everyone. I followed my bestfriend and my doppelgänger through the hallways.

As we were walking, I almost slipped. I looked to the floor and saw a trail of blood. It dripped from my wrist. I looked at my wrist for a while then looked at myself. I looked at my arm with my "door handle" scar, my "table" scar, and my "fence" scar. They did look a bit too deep and I always reopened the wounds so that I wouldn't have to make more excuses for more scars and I could just say 'yeah, I picked and reopened the wound. That's why it's reopened again.'

I looked at the scars on my legs. There was way more on my legs. They were easily covered with jeans, but I was using short right now. However, I was smart with my cuts. I put them scattered and like I had fallen. All my excuses for those scars were 'I was clumsy and I fell.'

Looking at the scars for a long time, I began to feel faint again. The blood on the floor seemed to look closer and closer. And it went black.

"Why do people want to hurt a beautiful, sweet girl like her? Why is she so cruel to herself?" I opened my eyes to my best friend walking around the hallways, passing other people. He checked a couple classrooms and met with my girl close friends. I saw them ask each other if they had found me. They didn't. I remember this day. I had hidden in the bathroom because of something the girls had said that triggered a flashback. That day in break time, I ran away and locked myself in the bathroom. They searched, but didn't find me. I showed up at the next class. When they asked, I simply said I was just walking around the school for fresh air.

"I'm worried about her. She went through so much and she's struggling. I just hope she holds on." I'm trying, but why does life always hurts. I'm trying my best. I'm never enough. I try to be good, but people always hurt me. I try to be happy, but everything always haunts me. I'm trying to hold on, but I don't know how to.

Drip, drip, drip. The sounds echo like heartbeats. I look at the floor and see the blood. It was from my wrist. Did I go too far? At least, I don't have to suffer anymore.

But, I didn't know.

I didn't know you cared.

I didn't know how much you cared.

Now, I don't know whether I do want to leave.

I don't know whether I went too far.

• Jeans