Too Old
I wish I had listened to everyone around me
“You don’t want to be older” they said
But then I could be like you, don’t you see?
I wasn’t aware they were waiting to be dead
Elementary meant waiting for fourth grade
The big dogs of the school, double digits!
Looking back at first grade, I want to trade
I want to go back, just for a minute.
Fourth meant I’d soon be in fifth, a new building
10, 11, 12, but I couldn’t wait to be in year seven
All the dreams we had we were always spilling
I wish I could go back, even just for a second
Sixth and seventh, the years we were preteens
So many expectations to keep up with
I was behind these, why were they so mean
It all started changing, what happened to fifth
All us kids weren’t the same anymore,
That’s when I learned I wasn’t like them
I wasn’t effortlessly cool, I liked before more
I lost friends, always being condemned
So I learned the trends, the routine of our kind
I was always excited to be older, but why?
Suddenly my childhood was no longer mine
I fit in, who cares all the tears it made me cry
But even when I do everything their way
There’s always a part of me who’s that girl
No matter what I convince myself to say
That girls in my soul always ready to unfurl
Feeling out of place, like nobody else
That voice telling me I’m still a loser
I wish I knew all my confidence would melt
I used to not have that voice, that abuser
I wish I knew that would be the last time
The last time I played mermaids in the pool
If I only knew how fun would now be like crime
Why do i care? Is it that important to be cool
I wish boys and girls were still the same to me
I wouldn’t always have to be scared to be alone
when they wouldnt call me a slut or a tease
When I didn’t compare myself on the phone
I didn’t know that would be the last game
The last time I played Dora on the Wii
When I could love myself with no shame
When my brothers would still play with me
Back when I looked in the mirror with no hatred
When I vowed drinking and smoking was gross
When I didn’t see issues with who I’m related
I wish I could still protect my high hopes
I never liked sitting at the kiddie table
But the adult tables filled with politics
I remember watching cartoons on cable
Now I surf through Netflix for the next hit
I wish I listened when they told me not to grow
And I know it’ll only get worse, that’s the norm
Soon I’ll be an adult, with bills, a job, you know?
If wishes fell like rain, certainly I’m a storm