I wish I had listened to everyone around me

“You don’t want to be older” they said

But then I could be like you, don’t you see?

I wasn’t aware they were waiting to be dead

Elementary meant waiting for fourth grade

The big dogs of the school, double digits!

Looking back at first grade, I want to trade

I want to go back, just for a minute.

Fourth meant I’d soon be in fifth, a new building

10, 11, 12, but I couldn’t wait to be in year seven

All the dreams we had we were always spilling

I wish I could go back, even just for a second

Sixth and seventh, the years we were preteens

So many expectations to keep up with

I was behind these, why were they so mean

It all started changing, what happened to fifth

All us kids weren’t the same anymore,

That’s when I learned I wasn’t like them

I wasn’t effortlessly cool, I liked before more

I lost friends, always being condemned

So I learned the trends, the routine of our kind

I was always excited to be older, but why?

Suddenly my childhood was no longer mine

I fit in, who cares all the tears it made me cry

But even when I do everything their way

There’s always a part of me who’s that girl

No matter what I convince myself to say

That girls in my soul always ready to unfurl

Feeling out of place, like nobody else

That voice telling me I’m still a loser

I wish I knew all my confidence would melt

I used to not have that voice, that abuser

I wish I knew that would be the last time

The last time I played mermaids in the pool

If I only knew how fun would now be like crime

Why do i care? Is it that important to be cool

I wish boys and girls were still the same to me

I wouldn’t always have to be scared to be alone

when they wouldnt call me a slut or a tease

When I didn’t compare myself on the phone

I didn’t know that would be the last game

The last time I played Dora on the Wii

When I could love myself with no shame

When my brothers would still play with me

Back when I looked in the mirror with no hatred

When I vowed drinking and smoking was gross

When I didn’t see issues with who I’m related

I wish I could still protect my high hopes

I never liked sitting at the kiddie table

But the adult tables filled with politics

I remember watching cartoons on cable

Now I surf through Netflix for the next hit

I wish I listened when they told me not to grow

And I know it’ll only get worse, that’s the norm

Soon I’ll be an adult, with bills, a job, you know?

If wishes fell like rain, certainly I’m a storm