I am watching myself sleep

I am feeling the sheets shift

As I fall in my dreams

As I slip in the street

In front of a crowd

That laughs in surround

Like music in a lift

Descending

Never ending but maybe not

If I stop all my misbehaving

And keep a list of myself

And my parts as well

I could be lighter

And get caught in the wind

Or the backdraft

Of a shutting door

Followed by a voice

‘Say no more’

And I won’t

If it means I get to live

Without second thoughts

Or third feelings

Like random chest pains

Or falling short.

I am watching myself wrestle

I am hearing my lungs give out

As I hold my own breath

As I comfort myself

In front of friends and family

That shake their heads

Like sodden dogs.

One day I will be me

And I won’t think about this

And I’ll walk painless miles

In shoes that fit me.