you know it would be easier to believe you missed me

if you treated me like an actual person last year

not some dirt under your shoe

maybe i hurt you before too

but i made up for it

i tried

i said sorry and meant it

and more than that, i fixed it

i made you feel loved

you made me feel like im not good enough

my love for you is never gone

i just pretend that it is,

shoving down as you wisk by me with your perfect friends

“this day would be perfect if natalie was here!”

i heard you say that last week

i wish it was me who made your life perfect

i’m happy you’re happy, my love

i really am

i wish we were happy with each other

i wish i was enough

i wasn’t, and for that i am sorry

i’m glad you found him

i wish i didn’t have to hear the stories through someone else

i miss you running to the bus,

talking so loudly the seniors made us be quiet

i miss everything

i hate that im supposed to hate you

i don’t believe you miss me

you never matched my effort

you say you’re sad and that you want me back

but how come that wasn’t true last year?

if it’s true, really true,

i would try again

that’s how much my heart hurts for you

if you really want me as much as i do,

tell me yourself

make the effort

because i can’t do it again

i can’t embarrass myself anymore than i already have chasing after the ghost of my best friend who doesn’t love me