i can feel the blame in my bones begging to be let out like a snake just waiting to strike.

youre little notes floating around the house,

that happened to be the last straw for him to take that gun

how can i forgive you when im not sure

i can even forgive myself?

for letting you push all of us away,

i had a say too, didn't i?

I should have reached out sooner

been there more often

picked up the phone & called

pushed back & said,

"no, i am not going anywhere."

"dont text,

dont call,

i dont want to hear from you anymore"

he deserved better.

i deserve better.

this family deserves better.

but you need someone too.