my body

shows where my mental

health resides

like

how you can tell

a mailman

from their calves

and a mechanic

from their forearms

if i am good

i lose a lot of weight

quickly

my veins show in my arms

and my nails are painted

if i am bad

my hair stays greasy

and my belly pushes

against my unfitted shirt

my face gets puffy

and dry

i cycle like the sun

in Antarctica

gaining weight for six months

and then trying to lose it

excited for the next day

and then trying to survive it

i am a failed actor

for this reason

the mirrors of my mind

expose all of my secrets