[Im 12 yrs old and an aspiring author working on my first book, criticise, please!] 🧃

I sighed heavily. It was all or nothing, now.

“Why aren’t you speaking, Jade?”, Josiah, my boyfriend asked.

“Well... you won’t believe it, but last night... last night you were sleepwalking, because you were tired from our road trip, well, it’s my fault really.”, I rambled.

“No, Jade, how’s that so? Your fault I’m tired? You always take the blame for everything.”, he retorted.

“NO Jade, you really do! I won’t hear it!”, he continued as he saw my mouth open, ready to talk back.

“Please, Josiah, you really need to listen to me this time. LISTEN JOSIAH-“, I couldn’t say it. I just couldn’t. Josiah was my world, and I was about to blow everything I’d worked for the past year. Yes, I’d been hiding the fact that I was the daughter of the biggest superhero in the country. Everyone said I looked like his daughter, but no one knew he actually had one. He was dead anyway. There was no point in... anything. Since I was five years of age, I’d been saving people from disaster. I remember the first time I saved someone’s life. My foster parents had taken me to an amusement park and there was a roller-coaster that started super high up, so we were tied to a harness, and told to climb up the steep ladder. It was part of the ride and probably the main attraction of the whole park. My parents kept telling me I’d get tired halfway up and that I shouldn’t go for it, but I really wanted to, so they consented. As the man strapped me to my harness, I saw a small girl, maybe a year or two older than me, struggle at the top. A bit of her harness was stuck to the railing and she was fidgeting. Somehow she managed to unclip the harness and she tripped. She was hanging on with only two hands. Very quickly I darted my eyes upwards and her feet swung to the ladder. I’d done it. Now all my strength was used up but I’d done it. I’d saved the girl. I told them I changed my mind, and they understood. They thought it was because of the traumatic incident. Everyone was asking her if she was okay, and she just stood there looking at me, with her mouth open just an inch, as if she knew. As if she knew I was the one who saved her. I avoided her glare and looked away. My parents thought I was unwell and took me back home soon after. How I came to be with my foster parents and how I knew who my father was, is an entirely different story altogether. I muttered “Yeah, you don’t wanna know” That got to him.

“Tell me.”

“I- well I’m Jonah Stellar’s daughter. You walked out the door and into the street. I’m the freak daughter, it’s me.”