I’m not supposed to be the oldest

You are

you’re never around

but when you were

you made it known

you hated me

you told me

you showed me

you were never around

so i have to be the oldest

IM the one who holds them

when our parents fight

IM the one who watches them

when no one else will

IM the one who picks them up from the bus

because you’re not here to do it

I never had anyone

to do that for me

i have to do it

i’m supposed to have an older brother

you’re supposed to be my older brother

so why don’t you act like it

why won’t you love me

my mom wishes i was a better older sister

because i don’t spend all my time

with them

but you never spent ANY time with me

you come back now

you say you love me now

you admit you didn’t before

but you do now

it’s too late

the damage is done

a void in my heart

that only could’ve been filled

by your love

that was never there

I’m the oldest

but i’m not supposed to be

my friends talk about their older siblings

how their relationships are good

even if they fight sometimes

why wasn’t that us?

why couldn’t you love me?

you’re supposed to be my older brother

but you’re not

and you proved it

i’m not supposed to be the oldest

but i am

i have to say goodnight to our brothers every night

and there’s no one

to say good night to me

but there should’ve been

you forced me

to take a responsibility

that was so rightfully

yours

even worse

you didn’t have to

you could’ve loved me

like a real brother should

maybe you’re only half of me

but the pain in my heart

because of you

is full