I didn’t know I could be this happy being a mom. Honestly. I like kids…. As long as I don’t have to be around them. My son is so different. Everyone said it would be different but I thought they were lying. People’s opinions have never rang true for me in the past… u til I became a mom.

Not only do I love being around my baby but I am absolutely greedy for his cuddles. I never saved a thing, now every little moment and trinket and left over is a treasure. I promise I’m not insane. I just don’t want to lose these moments.

I cried every month he was a month older. I cried as I put his newborn clothes away. I cried as he lost his favorite toy but rejoiced when I found it under the couch.

I cried when I thought about his first birthday… just a few days away. So many moments that will never be lived again. I have photos and videos… but I’ll never be able to hold my newborn.

His smiles make me laugh… so do his tantrums. The little things that a small boy cares about seemed so mundane to me. He’s crawling and getting into everything and driving me nuts. I love almost every minute. He honestly scares me with his curiosity.

His birthday has arrived. My husband and I celebrate it his parents house. His two sisters are there. Two of the four children from his one sister are there to celebrate as well. She takes my son and plays with him, showing him some new dollar tree item. He laughs and is having the best time. It is fun to sit back and laugh… until….

It’s time for him to open his presents. My sister in law still has him in her lap. I find myself greedy for this moment but afraid to speak up. One by one my husband passes each wrapped present for my son to tear into.

I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t say it right now.

But I didn’t say it. I didn’t say anything. I let her hold my son as he gleefully unwrapped each gift. The moment was over too soon and it was lost to me forever.

I know it’s a small thing. But I’ve cried about it daily since. I’m not angry or resentful. Just really sad that I missed this. I don’t really talk about it to anyone but God. I know He’s big enough to care about even the hard little things.