I trudged up to my office thanking the figurative fates it was Friday and my weekend date with my kindle, blanket and cat, Miss Frizzlebottom, was about to commence in just 8 hours. After sitting my black pumpkin cold brew, that I hadn’t yet taken a sip of, down next to my keyboard I fluffed and worked my chair pillow before sitting down ready to start my work day. I wiggled my mouse and after my screen came to life I opened my email, my ritualistic brain ready to check off the first task of the day. I answered a few emails about where to send flower arrangements in the up coming weeks to vendors that had been a big help in setting up last weeks convention. I replied to Susan’s meme about Jason Mamoas ass with a simple winky face emoji, after all I didn’t have time to detail a sonnet on the subject and finally was ready to open the companiesdaily newly that got sent out every weeknight at midnight. The daily newsletter always held a daily motivational quote to I supposed was to keep our spirits high, que eye roll. It also detailed business quotes and expectations, highlighting great customer reviews, upcoming events and lastly the daily horoscope. Who had time to orchestrate these little extras to this newsletter? And who the hell bought into this kind of bullshit. But to much of my dismay the sharing of our horoscopes and daily quotes were what kept the water cooler talk going and saved myself an awkward lonely lunch break. I don’t know why but my fellow employees of Big Honking Productions ate this shit up. Todays motivational quote is one I love but let’s be honest, it’s overused and on some wall in every school across America, and given the quoted I would probably wager on in Canada as well, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

-Wayne Gretzky. I take note to tell Bernice congratulations for the raving review from The Duck Butt Brigade for her commendable actions of going above and beyond at their latest chicken dance festival. I rolled my eyes as I left the horoscope for last, still not understanding the kind of people who felt like the stars and sky had any impact on their day and the decisions they would or wouldn’t make. Shaking my head I recalled when Billy in accounting went and told his mother-in-law, and has stuck to it mind you, that they would no longer be bringing pie to their family functions as they had for 13 years because a horoscope of his said that a traditional family dish would break bonds and cause tears. What a joke. I scanned to my Scorpio inscription, “Do not find dispair in your wrong coffee order, your life was spared on this day.” A single bleated laugh escaped my chest and I covered my mouth as to not disturb my fellow cube mates. My life was spared? Ha Charlene at witches brew had never got my coffee order wrong in the 3 years since I started at Big Honking Productions, speaking of I grabbed my sweating pink reusable cup that Charlene filled for me this morning and gave it a good wrist swirl to incorporate the ice that had no doubt melted already and took a deep chug… because caffeine… am I right?!? My eyes bugged out of my head as the unexpected Carmel flavoring washed over my tongue and down raced down my throat as I swallowed. I took another small delicate sip for good measure, nope definitely not pumpkin spice, absolutely Carmel. I re-read the horoscope and shook my head like bugs bunny hit over the head with a tennis racket. How could that be so specifically correct, and was my life saved? I had half a mind to call Charlene and ask if something was off with the pumpkin syrup this morning. No that’s silly I whispered to myself. Okay well it’s allowed to have one odd coincidence right? Right! I plucked my favorite roller gel pen from my “uff da” mug that held all of my writing utensils and pressed it against the desk while sliding my finger down its base flipping it from top to bottom against my desk as I often did. For science of course I scrolled back through my emails and found yesterdays daily newsletter and scanned for my horoscope once I found it I brought my pen to my lips and tapped it against my cupids bow, “A burnt dish will lead you down a tasty surprise.” My pen fell to the desk… what the fuck? Last night I accidentally burnt my lemon pepper pork chop because I had to clean litter off the floor from where Miss Frizzlebottom dumped her litter box off of table where it sat next to my washing machine. I had momentarily forgot I was cooking until I was startled with a jump when my smoke detector began wailing. Shockingly the horoscope was spot on and I ordered my favorite Thai food and thanked Miss Frizzlebottom for the delightfully delicious suprise. Okay, okay, two days of correct horoscope could be a coincidence? For sure! I mean come on, who writes this stuff anyway. Loaded with a bag of self doubt I scrolled back to Wednesdays daily newsletter, once I clicked on it I spun the spinning wheel on my mouse like it was a carnival game and wasted no time to find “Scorpio: Today your 6 year relationship will end. Do not fret, your soul mate Works on the same floor as you.” My jaw dropped and my eyes glass over, I slowly spin my chair around not knowing what to believe but scanning the backs of my co-workers heads. Soul mate? Here? How could this horoscope know that Danny and I were going to break up, I was going to burn my pork chop and that my coffee order would be wrong today? These were sent out at midnight before any of those things had happened. It’s no surprise I didn’t connect the happenings to the action as I didn’t take much stake in believing these types of things. And a soul mate in my office? Well that’s a problem because I have a strict no dating co-worker policy!