My phone chimed on my bare chest alerting me to the DoorDash delivery that was waiting on my front porch, "The Applebee's is here!" I shouted to Benson through the cracked door of my room as I reach for my remote on my nightstand to pause the TV. Laying here in my boxers added to my lack of motivation to get up and get the delivery myself. "I didn't even want Applebees." I grumbled to myself, but a lost match of Call of Duty lead me to this sub-par meal I was about to scarf down, there is no sense in savoring any flavor. One more shot on him and I would be more than enthused to go grab the Olive Garden I'd been craving. But alas, here we are with fucking Applebees, "BENSON?" I hollered again.... I'm met with silence. What the hell could he be doing? We just ordered this food 30 min ago? Ughh I probably didn't want to know what he was doing as a matter of fact, Hilary his girlfriend was on her way here last I heard. I shuttered as my mind chased away any thought of what they could be doing. I plucked my phone off my chest and looked at the photo the door dash driver had sent confirming the delivery to make sure it was close to the door. I could see the tied up plastic bag and three drinks sitting right in front of the storm door. "Damn it!!" Who lacks such common sense? You would think they would know that as soon as I open the storm door the drinks will topple over. Oh well, I'm not about to get dressed just to come back here and continue to binge season 5 of Friends. I make my way downstairs and head to the front door, still unsure of where Benson or Hilary were. I opened the front door using the wall on the right to shield any potential onlookers of seeing me in my Spongebob boxers, my favorite pair thank you very much. I cautiously cracked the storm door and snaked my left arm around the opening to try to reach the hoop that was perfectly bunny eared, I couldn't quite reach it. I stood up with a sigh and stepped a little more toward the entrance and opened the door a little more, the edge of door now touching one of the drinks. As I bent forward slightly to try to reach down again my ears were met with "Cowabunga" at the same time I felt hands pressing on my back and to my surprise I was shoved out the door, drinks flying forward toward the porch steps I rushed to try to pick them up. My dignity be damned, I was not about to lose my Precious HI -C. Fucking Benson! Quickly I grabbed the loot and turned to grab at the screen door to come back in. Bensons eyes sparkling with humor locked with mine as he widened his Chesire cat grin. The click of the storm door lock setting into place. "Alright douche, you got me," I chuckled, "now let me in!" His mouth twisted in a devious smile, and he shook his head slowly, reminding me of some deranged villain. I could hear Hilary snickering from somewhere inside as I realized my precious HI-C was dripping down my chest soaking the waistband boxers. Just Then I see Benson cover his mouth trying to hide a laugh as he points behind me. I slowly turn my head around afraid of what I might find. The tale tell sound of tires on road coming to a halt as I see the blue black and white police car park along the street Infront of our house. As fate would have it, I was certain there was a certain brunette behind the wheel of that Dodge Charger.
I tried to muster up my most confident self, I'd been trying to charm sexy Officer Bindy for weeks now. The tinted windows slowly lowered as my muse came into view. She lowered her sunglasses with two perfect fingers and quirked her eyebrow. "I do believe your last show of public indecency was a warning." Was she trying to hide a smile? "I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you in on this second offence Mr. Carden." Shit.... if I'm getting arrested coach will suspend me. SHIT. I turn and meet Benson's wide eye laced with satisfaction, him not realizing he'll be down his co-defenseman, after all he didn't know coach and I had been on the rocks for a few weeks, after he caught me staring at certain Officers ass. This particular officer that happens to be Coach Bindy's daughter. "If they would just let me back in the house then we wouldn't have this problem!"

I trudged up to my office thanking the figurative fates it was Friday and my weekend date with my kindle, blanket and cat, Miss Frizzlebottom, was about to commence in just 8 hours. After sitting my black pumpkin cold brew, that I hadn’t yet taken a sip of, down next to my keyboard I fluffed and worked my chair pillow before sitting down ready to start my work day. I wiggled my mouse and after my screen came to life I opened my email, my ritualistic brain ready to check off the first task of the day. I answered a few emails about where to send flower arrangements in the up coming weeks to vendors that had been a big help in setting up last weeks convention. I replied to Susan’s meme about Jason Mamoas ass with a simple winky face emoji, after all I didn’t have time to detail a sonnet on the subject and finally was ready to open the companiesdaily newly that got sent out every weeknight at midnight. The daily newsletter always held a daily motivational quote to I supposed was to keep our spirits high, que eye roll. It also detailed business quotes and expectations, highlighting great customer reviews, upcoming events and lastly the daily horoscope. Who had time to orchestrate these little extras to this newsletter? And who the hell bought into this kind of bullshit. But to much of my dismay the sharing of our horoscopes and daily quotes were what kept the water cooler talk going and saved myself an awkward lonely lunch break. I don’t know why but my fellow employees of Big Honking Productions ate this shit up. Todays motivational quote is one I love but let’s be honest, it’s overused and on some wall in every school across America, and given the quoted I would probably wager on in Canada as well, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” -Wayne Gretzky. I take note to tell Bernice congratulations for the raving review from The Duck Butt Brigade for her commendable actions of going above and beyond at their latest chicken dance festival. I rolled my eyes as I left the horoscope for last, still not understanding the kind of people who felt like the stars and sky had any impact on their day and the decisions they would or wouldn’t make. Shaking my head I recalled when Billy in accounting went and told his mother-in-law, and has stuck to it mind you, that they would no longer be bringing pie to their family functions as they had for 13 years because a horoscope of his said that a traditional family dish would break bonds and cause tears. What a joke. I scanned to my Scorpio inscription, “Do not find dispair in your wrong coffee order, your life was spared on this day.” A single bleated laugh escaped my chest and I covered my mouth as to not disturb my fellow cube mates. My life was spared? Ha Charlene at witches brew had never got my coffee order wrong in the 3 years since I started at Big Honking Productions, speaking of I grabbed my sweating pink reusable cup that Charlene filled for me this morning and gave it a good wrist swirl to incorporate the ice that had no doubt melted already and took a deep chug… because caffeine… am I right?!? My eyes bugged out of my head as the unexpected Carmel flavoring washed over my tongue and down raced down my throat as I swallowed. I took another small delicate sip for good measure, nope definitely not pumpkin spice, absolutely Carmel. I re-read the horoscope and shook my head like bugs bunny hit over the head with a tennis racket. How could that be so specifically correct, and was my life saved? I had half a mind to call Charlene and ask if something was off with the pumpkin syrup this morning. No that’s silly I whispered to myself. Okay well it’s allowed to have one odd coincidence right? Right! I plucked my favorite roller gel pen from my “uff da” mug that held all of my writing utensils and pressed it against the desk while sliding my finger down its base flipping it from top to bottom against my desk as I often did. For science of course I scrolled back through my emails and found yesterdays daily newsletter and scanned for my horoscope once I found it I brought my pen to my lips and tapped it against my cupids bow, “A burnt dish will lead you down a tasty surprise.” My pen fell to the desk… what the fuck? Last night I accidentally burnt my lemon pepper pork chop because I had to clean litter off the floor from where Miss Frizzlebottom dumped her litter box off of table where it sat next to my washing machine. I had momentarily forgot I was cooking until I was startled with a jump when my smoke detector began wailing. Shockingly the horoscope was spot on and I ordered my favorite Thai food and thanked Miss Frizzlebottom for the delightfully delicious suprise. Okay, okay, two days of correct horoscope could be a coincidence? For sure! I mean come on, who writes this stuff anyway. Loaded with a bag of self doubt I scrolled back to Wednesdays daily newsletter, once I clicked on it I spun the spinning wheel on my mouse like it was a carnival game and wasted no time to find “Scorpio: Today your 6 year relationship will end. Do not fret, your soul mate Works on the same floor as you.” My jaw dropped and my eyes glass over, I slowly spin my chair around not knowing what to believe but scanning the backs of my co-workers heads. Soul mate? Here? How could this horoscope know that Danny and I were going to break up, I was going to burn my pork chop and that my coffee order would be wrong today? These were sent out at midnight before any of those things had happened. It’s no surprise I didn’t connect the happenings to the action as I didn’t take much stake in believing these types of things. And a soul mate in my office? Well that’s a problem because I have a strict no dating co-worker policy!