It won’t feel genuine to her, but I want it to. She’ll say it’s a lie, or our mum is responsible for this apology. She had no right telling me to though. It doesn’t matter anymore, none of it matters. She deserves to know I love her. I want her to feel it, see it, smell my perfume when I embace her.

 You deserved my yelling, my anger, my rants. You weren’t there for me when I needed you most. I’m standing over your grave because I wasn’t there for you either, not when you needed me most. I’m here now Elena. I’m trying and I’m here. And I’ll be here everyday for a long while.