A day that starts at the spa shouldn’t end in the mud. Well, actually they did give me a mud treatment, but that’s a different kind of mud. My corpse though, so muddy and filthy. My hands had never been dirty like that, but my nails looked perfect. That has to count for something

I never saw my killer, or maybe I did and I’ll never know it. The last thing I remember was sliding along my back in the grass. My arms felt like rudders that I used to help stay straight. I realize now that someone was dragging me by my legs, but at the time it felt like I could swim through the grass. Before that I was in the sauna. The perfect way to end a perfect day.

It was one of those lucky times that I had the room to myself. Although I guess it would have been luckier to be any other place on earth. Whatever caused me to go unconscious happened in that room. If someone had access to its controls, they could have introduced something other than steam through those vents.

If my heart was still beating it would be racing, now that it wasn’t this hardly seems worth getting worked up about. Was there anyone that worked at the spa who I had wronged? I had gone there so much that almost all the employees knew me by name. Sure I had spoken to the manager a few times about some of the girls at the front desk but nothing consequential ever came out of it. Often the other ladies and I would engage in some not so subtle conversation during massages, but we were trying to send a message. And our desires almost always were fulfilled so it felt like the most couth way to air our grievances.

The ladies, I hadn’t considered them. They’ll be devastated to hear the news I’m sure. Looked up to me as something of a leader around town. The conversation will suffer the most. God, who will keep Deborah in check? Well, it isn’t my concern anymore if she wants to go on and on about the newest masseuse and what she would do to his biceps. If she wants to embarrass the group someone else will have to put an end to it. I can’t be expected to keep an eye on her while I’m trying to enjoy my afterlife.

Speaking of which, there has to be a spa around here doesn’t there? What kind of paradise doesn’t have a place where you can sit back and unwind. I’m going to have to see if I can get this place a little more catered to my tastes. The decor for one thing is looking a little dated and not in that charming type of way. A little update may be in order. I should have plenty of time on my hands now to get this place shaped up. The ladies will be here at some point and won’t they be so pleasantly surprised to see that I’ve taken care of everything on this side of things as well.

Oh, what’s this? Elihu? Why would there be a picture of him here? Dreadful. It’s bolted to the wall! Who would do such a thing? This must be some cruel jest, what an odd place this is. Where’s the door? How can there be a room with no door? The window is barred! I won’t stand for this. There must be an exit the room wasn’t built around me. Who picked these chairs? None of them even match.

I better sit anyhow, who knows how long it will be before they come for me. This must be a waiting room, soon they’ll usher me away to my permanent residence. There will be no portraits of that horrible man adorning those walls. How shall I pass the time then? The legs on this chair aren’t even the same length. It wobbles. I’ve got nothing to wedge beneath it. Though maybe it’s the floor now that I think of it. Seems wavier than a stormy ocean. All the furniture is bound to wobble on a floor like this.

I would stand here in anger but the boredom is causing me great weariness. I could nap in that wretched bed until they’re ready to move me. Wobbly, but comfy. Now that I’m lying here though, sleep seems to elude me. Maybe I’ll try standing again.

Hmm, sleepy again...