I was exhausted, i kept repeating to myself to not fall asleep because i usually don’t go out and i wanted to have fun but i was exhausted.

But i stayed awake because charlotte and armand were there and they always made me feel better, and that day i really needed it.

He was coming, and i wanted to be happy about it, i loved him after all, but i knew he was angry and i also knew my friends were gonna worry if they saw how he usually treated me when he was mad.

I wanted to believe it was not his fault, that he had troubles communicating and that he would never hurt me intentionally but still he scared me when he was angry.

And then i started panicking.

What if he screamed at me? What if our argument ruined the mood? I was genuinely having fun before that i didn’t want to ruin it.

What if he became mean again?

I was drowning in my thoughts, i was drowning and i couldn’t see the shore until gina talked.

« Angele do you want me to not let him in? »

I said yes.

That was the first time i didn’t want to see him, that was also the first time my friends started to worry about our relationship.

I spent the night crying in my friend’s arm, telling him everything, and he spent the night out hating me for not letting him in.

It’s over now.

It’s over but he’s outside Cha’s house and he’s telling me to come down.

It’s over but part of me wants to see him.

It’s over but he’s still waiting outside, and Armand is still trying to protect me.