The disrespect felt almost deafening-

our love,a whisper-barely beckoning.

Haunted by the night you yelled out loud,

your secrets unfolded,you looked too proud.

If only for a moment,I could possibly scream,

rewrite the vision,shatter the dream.

But no I didn’t.That was all a lie.It only happened in the dreams I try to revive.

In truth,I froze.Eyes fell still.

I waited for his rage to lose its ill.

I waited for his tantrum to slowly decay,

Crumbled at his feet-

begging for a reason to stay.

I collapsed in a haze of my own despair,

grieving a version that was never there.

All that was left was what I thought I peferred-

rotten edges,unsweetened words.

I wanted to speak,but my voice laid bare,

my body worn,my tears stayed there.

Stomach turned beneath its weight-

Head pounding “it’s far too late.”

Still,I lingered,though all the signs bled “go”,

longing for safety he couldn’t show.

He felt like warmth-the scorching kind.

Not safe nor soft yet he remained in my mind.

He framed closure but he was wrapped in pain,a door that opened and shut,he welcomed me in.

Suffocating.Suffering.What do I gain?

Day after day,the past I can’t contain.

I’d forgotten the cost of what I wanted

Still I laid there, for my begotten.

My first.

My last.

My furnace and match.

One blow and one shiver-

we went out too fast.

We walked home,hand in hand,

but I couldn’t sleep,I couldn’t expand.

My tongue clasped,the silence screamed,

with thoughts too raw for me to wipe clean.

Repeat,repeat- please leave him.PLEASE.

but I still crave the love he feeds.

Your war and chaos hijacked my mind.

I stared at you-you’re no longer mine.

I no longer hold onto grace,

I shall leave and find comfort in my own embrace.