“No I’m not doing this.” Jake protested.

“Just come on to the elevator Jake. You have my word you’ll comeback.” Said the elevator conductor.

“No, I’m not going to Hell. I’m already at the pearly gates. I’m not going anywhere.” The conductor sighed. “Jake, this isn’t a matter of debate. You spend one day in Hell. You spend the rest in heaven. Heaven is pointless if you have nothing to contrast it to.” “And you expect me to just believe you? Look at it!” Jake pointed. “A bright red cage with a solid black gate leading straight down.” He said swinging his finger downward in a large arc. “Yes” the conductor replied almost condescendingly “and it goes up too. Look if you don’t want to step into hell thats fine you can just spend it sitting in here with me. The denizens there wouldn’t dream of being near me.” “Why? Some kind holy blessing?” Jake asked sheepishly. “You could call it that.” “Well,” Jake said in a defeated tone “so long as I don’t get any pitchforks to the face, I guess.”

Jake took his steps carefully towards the elevator still scared he would never see the heavenly gates again. And as the conductor closed the fenced gate of the elevator behind Jake that’s the last thing he saw before sinking beneath the clouds.

A sizable chunk of time passed before the silence was finally broken. Jake had just noticed two short black nubs barely poking out of the conductor’s golden blonde curly hair. “I’m s-sorry sir.” Jake stammered still nervous. “What are t-those? On your head?” “Hmm? Oh they’re horns.” The conductor almost tiresomely replied “Visiting Hell tend some lasting effects when you do it as often as I. Lucky for you, you’ll only be entering it once.” “But wouldn’t that make you—“ “A demon?” The conductor said before Jake. “No, no, I’m one of God’s best and brightest.” “But then how’d you get a job like this?” “We don’t pick our jobs, Jake. We just do them. Hold up, your stop is coming up.” “Oh ok. I never got your name by the way.” The conductor was too busy slowing down the elevator to reply. The elevator touched down and as the elevator door slid open a wave of heat, sulfur and agonizing despair swept into the elevator. Choruses of screams of agony and pain could be heard in all directions. Jake instantly fell to his knees coughing at the stench and the heat. “You asked my name? It’s Damien. And by the way, this isn’t a day trip, not for you anyway.” Damien then picked up Jake by his collar and belt and threw him into the searing Hell landscape, and before Jake turn around the elevator and the elevator shaft was gone.