I find myself staring at you from across the lake. I press my feet deep into the sand as I watch your hair dance side to side with each gust of wind. The air, the lake, the trees - they whisper to me. But I never could understand what nature had to offer. You seem happy now with that guy you’re with. Your daughter seems happy too. You always told me I would never be the father to your daughter. You always told me that you didn’t want another child, but yet…. I sit here and watch you smile with another man, your stomach protruding.

You’re glowing my love.

You will never read this. You will never even know that I know. All you know is your daughter, and this new man who she now calls daddy. Seven years and a deployment was never enough for you, but maybe it wasn’t for me either. Why wasn’t it enough? Why wasn’t I?

Your daughter looks at me through the reflection in the water.

Hi cubby.

I will always be here for you and love you, though you will never even realize it. She looks away, and I hear her laugh as she pokes a stick at her new daddy. I hear crickets. I never thought I’d hear crickets out here at this lake.

I’ll never forget the day you looked me in the eyes and said you loved me. I’ll never forget when we ate that donut at universal studios, or that flower dress you wore on the first day of stats class with that black little hat of yours. I’ll never forget that blue dress you wore to go salsa dancing with me. I’ll never forget loving you.

I will also never forget the day you told me “I don’t love you.”

Back then your words hurt me deeply, but now your silence hurts me even more.