The cold wind drives knives into my body as I wrap my cardigan tighter around me, the sun seeming banished behind the onset of nimbus clouds. The patterned bark on the trees and the water surrounding the clearing took on a razor-sharp quality, as though setting the scene for our meeting. It seems fitting that a place once filled with our joy, becomes transformed into a melancholy scene.

Our spot was one of tranquility, one where I felt the safest. A refuge of warmth where your arms wrapped around me, and gazing into your soulful eyes was a refuge from my own warring thoughts.

Your entire existence caused my breath to catch, for someone as beautiful as you could stop time. The feelings I buried here flood in with an intensity it hadn’t in when I was alone, bubbling to the surface like boiled water, spilling over onto my calm consciencness.

Sometimes I wonder if I can control them at all.

The crunch of leaves brings me back to reality, the one where you and I meet for the first time since September. You’re wearing the outfit from our first date, causing a pang in my heart. The pink button up shirt paired with matching shorts evokes a sense of familiarity, both warming and alien.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” I squeak, my confidence shattering with his soft, sweet voice. God, those beautiful green eyes and chocolate shaving curls.

“Please give me the chance to explain-“ He begins, but my vindication swoops in to save me.

“You don’t get that privilege.” I state with clarity, my voice shaking with emotion. He has the audacity to come here and expect for me to listen to his bullshit?

“Ella, you asked me here to-“ He says exasperatedly.

“ I’m the one who asked you here, so don’t even try.” I say, raising my voice but it betrays me by cracking a little at the end.

His eyes begin to water, but he looks at his shoes in acceptance. Focus.

“Why don’t we begin with the facts, Alex?” I whisper, feeling my chest tighten.

“You cheated on me after I tried to kill myself. While I was in the hospital, counting the days until I could go back to you and apologize for trying to leave you here, you cheated on me with someone I trusted. My friend. Someone I comforted, sat with for hours in order to make her feel better about herself and her abilities.”

I take a breath, steadying myself to look into his soul.

“Look at me, Alex.” I whisper.

His shoulders shake as I see a tear roll down his face, and my chest pinches violently.

“Look at me!” I scream, tears beginning to roll down my face. I sniff furiously, fighting the waves of tears determined to stream down.

He sniffs, and tilts his head up.

_Our eyes lock, and I am taken back to the party we met. The first I was ever invited to. I remember how excited I was, so happy. Hopeful. _

Finally, I ask.

“Why?” I sob, my composure crumbling.

He shifts his feet while I sit on the ground, brushing the damp grass with my fingertips in an attempt to bring myself out of my downward spiral. He runs his fingers through his hair, mussing up his curls a little so that just one sticks up. My first instinct is to reach up and tuck it back, but I can’t. I ball up my hands in defiance.

_The day I met his mom, her telling me that he is so lucky to have me. I fluff his hair and laugh, saying he knows how lucky he got. _

I look up, my eyes shining with a demand for an answer.

“I felt like you left me. I felt like you abandoned me when I was struggling the most, when I needed you. You promised me I’d see you on Monday, but instead you chose to die. You didn’t choose us.“ He says sternly, his voice hitching in the middle. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, and I sense his justifications are all he sees.

“You couldn’t wait just 7 days for me? I would’ve been there for you, but I needed to be there for myself first! I broke a promise, but don’t you think I felt that too? The devastating realization that I broke us? We have been together a year, Alex. I am worth 7 days.” I put my hands on my face, and taste the salt of my own tears.

I slowly stand, and open my eyes to his hardened gaze. He runs his fingers through his hair as I study his face, but I see nothing but a reserved expression. I can’t open his eyes to the world. My world.

“I love you, Alexander.” I say as a final tear squeezes out of my eye, blurring the view of my surroundings, greys and blue streaking with my tears.

“I love you too, Ella.” He whispers hoarsely.

I stand to face him, and place my hand softly on his chest. He leans in, and we stand forehead to forehead. As the leaves rustle around us in the wind, our love is laid to rest.

He twirls one of my short face framing curls, and we look into our now separate universes.

“Thank you for teaching me what love means.”

I step back and walk onto the opposite path. I walk away from him, and our dead future.