“Hello this is Starbucks, Steve here. May I have your order?

“Do you have Prince Albert in a Can?”

“Do we have what in a what?”

“Well let him out before he suffocates!”

It started at the Maidenfield Free Library. Joanie had been on Abe’s case again. Bubbly, His daughter-in-law was a good person in her way. She was a decent cook and a real champ about helping out here and there after Jess, a godsend really. But the woman does talk so much. Jess always said she had to lay down in a dim room in absolute silences for twenty minutes whenever Joanie and Lee visited. Joanie encouraged him to join things.

“Barnes & Nobles, This is Chris. How may I help you?”

“Is your refrigerator running?

“Fridge, we don’t sell refrigerators. This is a bookstore.”

“Well you better catch it?”

Horticultural Society, Senior Speed Walkers, Sip & Paint, and even something called Silver Fox dating website, Joanie would not stop making her little suggestions. Abe found brochures for historical tours and museum trips tucked in his favorite sweater’s pockets. Joanie even got Lee to drop in and discuss feelings. The thought of that awkward conversation made Abe shiver. Can’t I just be left to be, he grumbled to himself.So when Joanie stopped by to take him shopping Abe pretended he was interested in joining the Golden Years Book Club.

“Hey, your dog is in my backyard?”

“Excuse me sir. We’re a business we don’t have a dog.”

“Good cause I don’t have a backyard.”

Nothing could be further from the truth, Abe thought. Dutifully he downloaded the book on his table just like his granddaughters showed him and forgot the whole thing. Of course Joanie insisted on driving him to the library the day of the event. Dressed in a scratchy shirt, Abe walked into the library, passed the community room full of geezers, and headed deep into the stacks looking for a bit of mayhem. Between Greatest Heists of All Time and Scam City, Abe saw Pru.

Deep in a book on confidence hustles, Pru startled. She dropped the book under her arm, the Golden Years Book Club selection.

“What you don’t want to read the nice book they picked out for us at the senior event?” Abe said handing the stranger the dropped book.

“I’d rather eat my own hair,” Pru said. “Fellow escapee?”

Abe burst into laughter, a real belly laugh. Surprised Pru laughed until she nearly wet herself. In a cosy reading nook, the two senior citizens talked a little loudly since Pru was a touch hard of hearing until their people came to collect them. Despite the annoyed shushes from the other patrons, Abe and Pru met everyday at the library, talking mysteries. Eventually Molly, one of the library volunteers, suggested the pair go to Barnes & Noble. Pru suggested the nice lady go to blazes. Abe broke out into a lusty rendition of “Lydia the Tattooed Lady” and bumped into the new releases table as he wheeled Pru outside.

Next the raucous pair visited with each other at the local bookshop. For hours they sat in the children’s section of the bookstore where there were the most comfy chairs. They debated the guilt and innocence of Fatty Arbuckle to the consternation of the Hungry Hungry Caterpilar crowd. After their true killer of the Black Dahlia argument the bookstore clerks started to ask if them if they needed help finding anything every five minutes. In retaliation, Abe and Pru slipped ads for hemorrhoid cream in the self-help book section before moving thier daily dates to a Starbucks.

Over ridiculously over priced coffees, Abe and Pru bent their heads and make slightly loud plans for mischief.

“You first,” Abe said.

“Chicked!” Pru said with a snort. “Hello.”

“Maidenfield Library how may I direct your call?”

“Excuse me do you have big balls?” Pru said in her sweetest old lady voice.

“Um, yes, madam we —“

“Good God how do you walk!”

Abe and Pru laughed all the way to the senior transit van.