Do you know what its like to constantly be experimented on? Do you know what its like to have your own self worth be determined by scoentists and the people around you? Well, I do, and let me tell you, you dont want to know.

I was only 9 years old when my mom died and my dad decided not to remarry. Instead, he began normalizing the idea of women being objects made to look pretty. I was only 11 when my dad took me to my first experimentation. My dad had desensitized me to being exposed, but it still felt wrong when i was stripped and put up against a whole group of scientists.

The self-consciousness came instantly, when they started taking photos and editing them to “what they wanted”. I noticed my dad highly editing one of the photos. Finally, they took me into a chamber and I was prodded all night for over 7 hours. When i got out, they took more pictures and made soem adjustments, before they realized that it worked. I was the first one that it worked with.

Little did i know, that began the ling era of experimentation in my life, where the content almost became normal. It got bad. Bad to the point that I would constantly look at my body with shame and regret, almost begging my father to take me there for this or for that, and he always agreed, stating how “ugly” it was and how a “women should not look like that”.

Ive never been a week without the lab, because either me or my dad always points out something that needs fixing. Yet, at every touch, there’s something off. A small voice in the back of my mind, begging to not be touched. Begin to be left alone. Maybe one day, that voice will prevail.