Memories are a painful thing to remember

Especially ones about you,

I still remember

your laugh and your smile and

The way you made others laugh

too But it was all fake, wasn't it?

So long I waited for your return

Because I believed the lie you told me

That you would be my true friend?

My childhood died when you shattered

My trust when anxiety found a way in

When all I wanted was your trust?

Life happened again, right? That's why you moved across the country and only decided to show up when things mattered most

Not when I needed you, no, because you always said if understand when I'm older or

Why you can't come to visit anymore

You say it is hard to visit but I don't think

You want to deal with the way you left things

And when I needed you most, you sent a sheriff to my door, that didn't help did it?

You couldn't have called me?

Or visited? I'm now terrified of the sheriff and police not because of guilt but because they might do something that would make things worse

It's been almost five years since you left

But you wouldn't care, I know I stopped caring when things happened maybe

I'm being selfish or maybe it's an attachment anxiety

But things are different now fate happened

When I was too blind trying to chase you

God gave me a friend and she fits my personality perfectly

We met at a horse back riding barn

And if known her for almost three years

But tell me why I'm so scared of losing her

The way I lost you

What if I told her my problems? No, she dosn't deserve to relive that pain I walked through

I have a good communication with her

But I don't always keep texting her

I'm scared I might lose her

The way I lost you

It's sad isn't the way

Things turned out

I found a friend I thought

You would be and yet I'm scared

I'll lose her like I lost you

I wish I didn't have to

Go through this pain

But when I see Olivia

My pain goes away slightly

We bonded over cats

We have a huge passion for horses

And dragons

She's my other half

Just like in how to train your Dragon

She's my light fury

And I'm her night fury

We are close friends

And one day I hope she's meets

The sister I looked up too