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“Fear, truly, is not something to be frightened of. Fear warns you if something is not safe; Fear feeds your adrenaline when you must run.”

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YANT

I did not go down to dinner.

After what that servant told me, I don’t think I’ll be able to get out of bed any time soon. Levan left me as well, following the same servant as they led him to the guard’s quarters. So it’s dark in my room, the candles full and untouched, and the moon screams at me from the sky, howling in laughter as though my death amuses it.

I’ll die if I stay here, I’ll die if I play along, and I’ll die if I make it to the end. I wasn’t expecting to fight while being here—or a possiblility of dying, the real danger here—the King truly told me nothing.

“Oh, Grandma.” I sigh, tucking myself deeper under the covers to entertain my thoughts to the object of sleep. They decline, sadly, being spurred up by this whole situation. Then, they go to the person who is destined to kill me once my time here has ended.

Prince Venus Heart. Why does someone fated to end me have to be so beautiful?

I think about the other royals. The Damsel and the High Prince. Both seem to be on bad terms with the Prince—and with themselves. Both seem unstable, in their own ways. They also obviously find me less than, and I certainly don’t want them near me when my paint falls off. Levan may help me, but I’m still not certain about where he stands in all of this.

A plan, I think as my eyes start to droop, I need a plan if I am to get through all of this. Always a plan. Some structure will help me.

I can’t live without it, for without structure, there is only the fear of what to come.

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“No one must know. So keep quiet, and stare at the sky ignorantly.”

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BLACKJANE

I stare at the gentle moon, wondering how this majestic sphere of light can handle the wickedness of this side of the world, as I pour the soft, sweet smelling liquid into the cup of Elder Prince Dianthus.

He lays in his bed, long dark lashes framing his purple eyelids that flutter ever time his eyes move restlessly; his dark curls are matted on the sides, for he hardly ever moves from the bed. His thin lips pressed harshly against each other in pain even in sleep, wrinkling the black heart resting beside them. For some reason, I feel regretful to wake him, though, I know myself, and that is not the only thing that I shall regret.

Three black hearts rest on my right arm, where my shoulder and upper arm meet, signifying my ranking. The ugly black of it stares at me, jeering at me in joy for allowing it to take away my original color.

After I’m done filling the cup halfway, I shake the Elder Prince gently, handing the cup to him as he rouses. “Ah. Jane.“ He nods, taking a sip without hesitation. The trust he gives me is not what I deserve, but he is less perceptive than his younger brother and sisters because of his sickness and how he was raised.

He hands me back the cup once he finishes, and I place it on the desk near the head of the bed. “Shouldn’t you be asleep, Jane?”

I shake my head, holding my tongue to stop myself from repeating the question back to him. A verbal tic, the doctor said when my mother called for him, should start to disappear as she grows up.

But it’s still here, and once, it almost landed me dead.

I shake my head and respond with, “Doctor Grand told me that he forgot to give you your dose today.” Which was true. What was in the cup wasn’t his dose though. By his face, it seems he can’t tell the difference. “I should be off now. Goodnight, your majesty.”

I make my way towards the door, but a weak grip holds onto my naked wrist. I start to shift into a defensive stance, but I remember where I am and the part I am meant to play, and I hold myself.

“Please don’t leave,” the Elder Prince’s voice is faint as he drifts back to sleep, “We haven’t talked in a while. What’s that about anyway? Do you find me boring now, because I sleep all the time and the sick, almost-dead prince isn’t what you’d thought he’d be?”

I look back, sigh, then walk back to the bedside and place his arm back over the covers. “No, you are everything I knew you’d be.” Another truth. But I was supposed to know everything about him so that he’d like me.

The Elder Prince smiles at my words and leans back against his pillows. “Okay. Talk to me, Jane, tell me again about the stories your mother told you? Those are my favorite.”

I look down at his weak form, regret rising up inside of me once more. But I distract myself from it, I do as he asks. “I’ll tell you my favorite one. Did I already tell you about the Dealer?”

He frowns, opening one eye to say, “That is not allowed in these walls.”

“I know, but this is a different kind of story. This is how the Dealer was created. It is not something for the faint of heart, and there is a lot of death surrounding it. And of course, as you said, the Dealer is a horrible thing. If you think you can’t handle it, though, I’ll leave you—“

“NO!” He shrieks, surrendering to a coughing fit after. I do not know if he really is two years older than me; he seems and acts like a child. “Tell me the story. Tell me now.”

“Alright then,” I look back out the large window and take a breath. “From the Jesters to the Hearts, a story always starts, then, of course, it must depart—The Birth of the Dealer.”

Then the words flow freely from my mouth, though I have to pause several times to stop myself from repeating.

Oh, how I miss the red, how I miss my Own.

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