You see, I know I’m a little crazy. This messed up life has damaged me in ways that no one will ever understand… but I still always try to be the best version of myself. I always try everyday to make myself a better person.

Any trace of good I had in me, went away when I met him.

We were introduced in some of our darkest days and, I admit, I was drawn to him, to the darkness. I thought I could make him better. Little did I know he wouldn’t change, he didn’t want to.

However, I never thought he would do THIS. Betrayal worse than all the crappy comments and snarky remarks on my appearance. The constant belittling, I became numb to it, I simply didn’t care because I still adored him.

However, his misunderstanding of my overthinking brain, my anxiety, led to a discovery. I don’t know who she was but she revealed the truth, the betrayal. I’ve never felt so sick. Yet when confronted, he claimed my body to be a problem and his obsession with the female body was something that he couldn’t help.

Sickening.

We became strangers that day, in our own home, still together but not together, for the trust was gone and I think he knew that, he knew trust had to be earned and he wasn’t willing to put in that work.

Then again, another woman, probably more. Then the pushing, the throwing, the physical hurting, the mentally draining thoughts. He won. He broke me.

My confrontation in lacking desire and seeking the body of another, led to a twist of events that have tainted me.

His misunderstanding of my mind and seeking the truth and my misunderstanding of how far he would go to keep the truth from me, led to a terrifying experience that no woman should have to go through.

The consequence of that day have traumatised me, sudden movements terrify me, hesitancy gives me anxiety, a complete lack of affection makes me feel unloved, certain remarks trigger me.

My only release was pain and a desire to fade away knowing he wouldn’t care. Little did I know, there was people that cared and saved me before it was too late.

For what he’s done to me, I could never forgive, nor will I ever forget.