WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT BABY UP?!

I only think this. I don’t say it of course - hence the capitalization- just to be clear.

I’m too much of a wimp to say that out loud and at the airline there’s a lot of crying babies and too many chances for wide eyes pa’s to take their frustrations out on me. I’m just the attendant, my salary isn’t high enough for any of that.

Instead I say, “Ma’am would you like a quieter section?” - SO YOU CAN SHUT THAT BABY UP?

Don’t forget..

Capitalization = thoughts

“Quotations” = dialogue.

I’m really a nice person in person. I’ve won many monthly employee awards on customer service alone.

The lady smiles and her husband does too. “Yes, thank you. We have been trying to find a quiet space all afternoon.”

NOT HARD ENOUGH.

“My pleasure follow that gentleman there”

They walk away with the gentleman that I immediately decide must be new. Big smile? Eager face? Chatting way too much and laughing like a proud donkey in a corn field.

“Hee Haw. Hee Haw. Ha-“

“Dave?” says a familiar voice right behind me.

“Huh? Oh hey Larry. I was just talking to myself”

Larry’s new too.

“Okay Dave, umm soo what’s the status today?”

“Well we had an extremely irritable baby earlier at our 1 o clock

At our 3 a business man and his mistress

7 is a hungover bachelorette group… tell the airplanes to double the puke bags.

And pretty sure the guy at our nine just picked a booger and put it under his seat. Oh nevermind, he just ate it”

“Dave, I was talking about the flight statuses.”

“Oh they are just fine clear skies I’m sure, let me pull it up on the map… oh wait. I no. never mind. Rough skies, hurricanes actually. And possible breakout tornados..cancellations for the the rest of the week… one sec Dave.”

I WONDER IF ITS 12 YET.

“Attention all passengers. Flights have been delayed due to inclement weather and will be canceled the rest of this week. We are so very sorry for the delay. Please make your way to our customer service desk to make alternate provisions for your week ahead.”

OH LOOK ITS 12

I look up as a massive of angry civilians head to the desk and start shouting in at least 7 different languages.

I DONT CONTROL THE WEATHER PEOPLE. AND I CERTAINLY DONT GET PAID ENOUGH.

I smile at the mob who would be more fittingly carrying pitch forks and axes.

“We’ll Dave - 12:01, I say I’m off. Take it easy.”

I don’t look back at his overwhelming face. I know Dave I know. He’ll learn

Just another day in the life of an airline, I wonder what I’m having for lunch.