The lights blink out, and the sound distinctly resembling glass shattering echoes in the darkened chamber. The concrete is cold and dusty, as everything goes silent once again. A shiver up the spine, heavy breaths come quicker and quicker. A door shutting matches the sudden pounding. Is it in the head, the heart, or is it right in front of you?
I love the approach you took to the prompt that creates a descriptive scene and then asks a question at the end that puts the reader into the scene and makes them think. It fits the thriller genre so well as I could really imagine myself there.
One small thing I would try to change is limiting the perspective and making it more vague. Normally more vague is bad, but in this case, you are giving information I feel like we shouldn’t have. For example “the sound of glass bulbs shattering” is very specific and how do I know it is a light bulb? Rather “the sound of glass breaking” is very unsettling… is that a window? A lightbulb? If I can’t see it I don’t know what it is or where it’s coming from… which is scarier to me.
Again, it’s minor stuff. I love flash fiction, and this is a pretty darn good story for only 5 sentences! I love that you used all longer complex sentences to maximize your word count as well. Well done.
oooooo very spooke
