Soulmates, platonic or romantic, are the apparent person that was destined to meet you. However at the ripe age of 21, I had yet to find so much as someone to call a friend, let alone a best friend. Perhaps it started when I was younger, the children would just waltz by without so much as a glance my way. Or maybe it was my vibe, I guess loner didn’t seem to be an appealing quality. Slowly as I grew, my count in friends stayed very low at the high number of 0. Eventually as I reached high school, you could say I just accepted it, no one bothered to talk to me so why should I make the effort. Who needed friends when you could sit in your room everyday with no plans and no one to complain about how lonely you felt to. Yeah… definitely not me. Even though I had been alone all these years the loneliness still crept through my veins, how much nicer school would be to have a partner in group assignments or just have someone to sit with at lunch. Sometimes I would contemplate my own existence, am I really so invisible people just don’t see me? Or do I just not exist? What if I’ve been in a coma for years and I’m dreaming? What if I’m a npc character in a game? But no matter how many situations I came up with it usually ended with me just accepting the first one over and over. Years of acting unnoticeable eventually made you become unnoticeable to everyone, even teachers.

I think it was in primary school when I first noticed it. That fact my skin had a translucent tinge, and the fact I didn’t appear in reflections. (I can see where you think this is going and no I’m not a vampire).

It was the first time in middle school when I really started debating it; a news story about the anniversary of a 9 year old girl going missing, the picture of the girl was…me. But how could I possible be missing if I was here walking around. A word came to mind in my small middle school brain, ghost.

When I started high school it finally struck my head, that I was dead. A news update about the nine year old girls rotting corpse being found in a river, unrecognisable, was the word they used in the broadcast. I was a ghost somehow stuck in the living world and I was ageing at that. I had no idea what would happen when I grow into an old granny, if I would really die or just live on for eternally.

I guess I wouldn’t know, when I was living I was alone, outcasted by piers for being a loner when they made me into that. And after death I was tortured with the infinite feeling of being unnoticeable forever. But what I could I do. I’m just a ghost with no friends.