You left a while back.

Leaving slowely little by little.

I didn’t notice at first.

You, Pushing me away.

I realized and shoved myself for the rest.

I remember laughter.

And late night talks.

The good old times.

When neither of us were hurt.

Now there’s snapping back.

And pulling away.

Each hurt in a different way.

Torn between lonliness.

But being forced to leave.

The better thing for us.

We changed.

Apart.

You told me I hurt you.

And it ripped everything inside me.

How could I do something like that?

And how could I not even remember?

Remember something that keeps digging at your heart.

Maybe me leaving really is for the better.

For you at least.

But I watch longingly as you laugh at new things.

Things that aren’t for me.

But I wish were.

A lost connection.

And some severed ties.

All buried feelings.

Some that I still don’t know how to find.

Late nights crying.

And moments of dead silence when I go around with you.

I found out a lot.

Almost too much to bear

Weighing heavy in the mind and heart.

A lot about us.

A lot about me.

I don’t know what’s true.

Stuck in my thoughts.

Am I really an aweful friend?

Do you no longer see me like how you used to?

Questions in my mind.

No answers.

The only callers name “lonely and lost” rings across my brain.

No longer you.

No longer me.

No longer us.

A scratching inside my chest.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Too quick to judge.

Too quick to snap.

Too much of something too little.

Qualities I never want.

But have.

And when things seem good with us.

It all gets crushed.

Maybe we’re stuck drifting.

Becoming distant.

So I cut up our bond.

Cut right through the knot.

Watching it all fade away.

With an ache I can’t help but shake.

And I look the other way.

Try to forget.

I let you go.

Letting myself go too.

Running in a forest of grief.

I burn it all down to the ground.

Forcing away every memory.

The bad.

The hurt.

The good.

The joy

All of it I try to let slip.

I’m a wreck.

But act like everything’s fine.

Of my smoke filled eyes.

Accustoming to the way it all burns.

It’s darks.

I’m scared.

And I hide for a long while.

Then You come find me.

Calling out my name.

I wish I could say:

“You’ve come back,

But I no longer need you”

It hurts to tell this lie.

So instead I Seattle for something more.

Something real.

Something true.

“You’ve come back.

I missed you,

I need you”

And I start to see clearer skies.

I fold into the comfort of you.

And watch it all come crashing back.

Apologizing.

And fixing.

Working to Piece together all the cracks.

Crossing our knot back together.

Slowely little by little getting closer.

The better thing for us.

We change.

Together.

Still a little unfinished.

So I wait.

And keep on striving.