I can’t do this right now. I can’t look into his deep green eyes. I can’t look at his perfectly curled hair. I can’t look at his beautiful complexion. I can’t.

I’ve been dating Austin for the past ten months. I know I should have ended this sooner, but I didn’t have enough guts to break his heart. He wasn’t good for me. Every flaw that’s within me came flooding out when I was with him. He brought out the worst of me, while I brought out the best of him.

After a whole week of talking myself into it, I finally decided to end things. I told him in the middle of his kitchen. Probably the worst place, but I had to do it now. I told him I couldn’t pretend to be happy anymore. I told him I needed someone who cared about me and not just how I look or my reputation. I told him I loved him but he wasn’t the person out there for me.

I could see his heart shatter in his eyes. Every memory of us came flooding into my mind. All the times we made runs to the grocery store just to stock up on popcorn for our movies. All the times we cooked dinner around my kitchen counter. All the times we had a stupid fight about stuff that wasn’t even important.

I watched as my words crushed him. I can’t look into his eyes anymore. I can’t do it.

As I walked to the door, I saw his world breaking in his eyes. Just as I saw mine starting to do with every step I’m taking away from him. When I sat in my car, I cried. I cried about hurting him, but also hurting myself. I cried about his funny personality, which was my favorite part of him. I know it had to end even though I didn’t want it to. I wanted to hold his hand and tell him it was going to be okay. That I wasn’t going to leave him and we were going to grow old together. We would get married and have kids. We would love each other with all our hearts.

I could never hold his hand though. This was a choice I made, and I happened to hurt us both in the process. My perfect reality of our relationship was just an illusion, and it broke my whole world.