I stand at the doorway, gazing in. I see the window reflecting like a mirror in the darkness of the night, and it scares me. I don’t have mirrors for a reason, I’m scared of them without one.

I dodge the bed and draw the duck egg curtains, the collapse upon the ‘bed’. It’s neatly made despite having no sheets, just two old, hokey woollen blankets and a horse rug that’s even older, despite not having a mattress.

I look around the room, every shelf, drawer and cupboard full of books, CDs, DVDS and vinyl records. Through the curtains I can see the bulge that is the record player, the radio, the cassette and CD player, the broken VHS player and malfunctioning DVD player.

Above the bed, two little kitchen cupboard type units are losselt fixed to the wall, the hinges loose and unable to shut, one with my clothes, purely jeans and checked shirts, one almost empty bar six knives.

The cupboard that rests on the floor next to my bed is mostly books and memories. Memorabilia of a father I’ve seen less times than years I’ve lived, of the man who I saw as my father who rests in the ground, of a different me.

There’s a little room leading out of mine, it has a sink and empty shelves, it would be a bathroom if we had the money to make it so, and I’d keep stuff in there if not for the mirrors lining it. On the doorframe of this room hand around a dozen medals, on a broken dresser next to it sit twice as many trophies, the only things new in the room, all of the books, clothes, furniture scavenged.

The cross on the door, Bible on top of the shelf, Sunday school notes from years before lying scattered on top of the stacked up books all displaying a major part of me.

This room, however, is not enough to distinguish who I am. It doesn’t tell of how I used to cry alone in here, or how I had to sit on the roof to think, or how I had to give up the dreams and the trophies, or how I kept this farm going when the herd was wiped out, or how far I’ve come, how this farm is no longer the only thing, this room is where my roots are, the stars are where my goals are.