The fire crackled, and the smell of smoke wafted in and out of the room. A silent tear slid down my cheek as if it were a cry for help; but I didn’t even know what I needed help with.

Up stairs lay asleep my two beautiful children. One with shoulder length ringlets, brown eyes, soft dark skin, and plump lips. She was so young yet was forced to mature so very fast.

Laying next to her; her sister whom had even shorter curls, her eyes too brown, with the same skin and same pure, innocent smile.

I had brought them into the world, called them my own, and here I am. A packed bag sitting next to my chair, and a text away from getting into a car.

Suddenly there was a ding, the noise drawing back down to reality.

*Hey sis, take your time, I am ready whenever.* The text read. I shook my head. I can’t do this to them. They say this is what’s best for them, but I know better. Their my children yet I don’t have control over what happens to their lives.

Rage started to boil up in me and more tears flooded my eyes. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. I closed my eyes and watched as memories played on repeat in my head. The laughs, the firsts, the tears, the pain, the joy, the wholesomeness, the music, and the days where I couldn’t get up but some how I did for them. I would lag my life down for them, but their not giving me the chance to.

I couldn’t sit in my anger any longer I knew what would happen if I didn’t go now, so I ran up stairs, opened the door, and stared at my two peaceful, pure, innocent, wild and beautiful daughters.

“I love you.” I whispered loud enough for not even me to hear it.

“We love you too.” Two small, high voices spoke out into the air. My eyes widened as their two heads slowly popped up. I flipped on the light to reveal the two bright, radiant smiles that had gotten me through the storms, and before I knew it I was laying in the middle with them both on my lap. Their heads snuggled into my chest, and their arms draped around me. How could I go? How could I possibly leave them?

20 minutes went by and the tears kept on coming. Their peaceful breaths filled the air and I feared that if I got up I would awake them from their dreams. But I did. Slowly I slipped from underneath the covers, I kissed the top of their heads and before I could second guess myself I ran out of the room. Quickly I grabbed my bag, and as my hand touched the cold, lifeless metal of the door nob, another tear left, and slowly I turned it. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.