I took a step and looked towards the sky. It couldn’t be that hard, could it? Bitting my lip with anticipation and excitement, I closed my eyes and repeated the words: Jump and lift, jump and lift. Squeezing them tight then shaking my head I broke into a full sprint. The clouds above me were pure white and the sky a baby blue, the sky looked so innocent. What could go wrong? I then pounced off my right leg and lifted my other one into the air. For a moment my heart dropped. And time stopped. Wind billowed in the distance and I took a shaky breath. Then...I dropped. My mind was racing and I let out a cry of terror. No, no, no, no, no, no, this can’t be happening! When the adrenaline kicked in so did my thoughts.

Arms out.

Legs together.

Focus.

Quickly I put my arms out so they were straight, and put my legs together. Then BOOM, I was off. Wind crashed against my face and dew covered my face as I went through a cloud. A laugh full of shock and relief fell out of me as I glided through the sky. I tilted my body a little upper wards with a smirk on my face and shot up. I gained speed fast as I flew higher and higher. And with a final push I broke through the clouds. I spun and twisted as the fear I had not long ago vanished as did the land I was just standing on. Again I laughed, could this really be happening?? Was I in a dream that I hoped would never end? Or was this my reality? Thoughts ruched through my head but as the wind blow past me it took them as well. And with that I dove back into the white abyss. This was it. Everything I had fought for. All the blood and tears I shed was for this very moment. To discover and take ahold of something beautiful. My freedom.

You know that feeling, The feeling of running through a meadow, With the flowers stretching up and blossoming, The trees reaching down and singing to you, The wind is carelessly playing around, And the sweet, relaxing feeling of the sunlight, rests on your skin brings an overwhelming sense of peace. Oh how wonderful of a place it is, Not only is the space around you peaceful but your mind is at ease as well, You don’t fight the same battles, You don’t feel the same pain and worry, But instead you haven’t but a care. You must know the feeling, That’s what it’s like to start afresh. When you have a clean new piece of paper to draw on, When you wake up knowing you don’t have to fight the same war you did yesterday, When you succeed your goal and get to set new ones up, You can’t help but sit there, smile, sigh and shake your head. It’s the most beautiful feeling in the world, Knowing it’s gonna be ok, The the sun shall rise again in the morning, That the fighting...it’s over! We can’t help but love this feeling, For we are putting it to the test all the time, When you wake up; you start afresh. When the sun rises; you start afresh. When you walk out into the world; you start afresh. This feeling, It comes over and over, Some days more, Other days it couldn’t come slower, But in the end it does come, And the meadow feeling, That feeling that we love but can’t comprehend, It’s starting afresh, It’s getting the chance to redo.

The fire crackled, and the smell of smoke wafted in and out of the room. A silent tear slid down my cheek as if it were a cry for help; but I didn’t even know what I needed help with.

Up stairs lay asleep my two beautiful children. One with shoulder length ringlets, brown eyes, soft dark skin, and plump lips. She was so young yet was forced to mature so very fast. Laying next to her; her sister whom had even shorter curls, her eyes too brown, with the same skin and same pure, innocent smile. I had brought them into the world, called them my own, and here I am. A packed bag sitting next to my chair, and a text away from getting into a car. Suddenly there was a ding, the noise drawing back down to reality. Hey sis, take your time, I am ready whenever. The text read. I shook my head. I can’t do this to them. They say this is what’s best for them, but I know better. Their my children yet I don’t have control over what happens to their lives.

Rage started to boil up in me and more tears flooded my eyes. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. I closed my eyes and watched as memories played on repeat in my head. The laughs, the firsts, the tears, the pain, the joy, the wholesomeness, the music, and the days where I couldn’t get up but some how I did for them. I would lag my life down for them, but their not giving me the chance to. I couldn’t sit in my anger any longer I knew what would happen if I didn’t go now, so I ran up stairs, opened the door, and stared at my two peaceful, pure, innocent, wild and beautiful daughters. “I love you.” I whispered loud enough for not even me to hear it. “We love you too.” Two small, high voices spoke out into the air. My eyes widened as their two heads slowly popped up. I flipped on the light to reveal the two bright, radiant smiles that had gotten me through the storms, and before I knew it I was laying in the middle with them both on my lap. Their heads snuggled into my chest, and their arms draped around me. How could I go? How could I possibly leave them? 20 minutes went by and the tears kept on coming. Their peaceful breaths filled the air and I feared that if I got up I would awake them from their dreams. But I did. Slowly I slipped from underneath the covers, I kissed the top of their heads and before I could second guess myself I ran out of the room. Quickly I grabbed my bag, and as my hand touched the cold, lifeless metal of the door nob, another tear left, and slowly I turned it. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.