WRITING OBSTACLE
Write a scene that conveys deep emotion without using any dialogue.
You can explore any emotion you’d like, but try to focus on actions and body language of the characters. Remember, no dialogue.
It Wasn’t Me.
_Bam_.
I stare at the man standing in front of me, staring at the hole in his stomach with shock. I feel my eyes well up as I look at the gun in my shaking hands, pointed right at him.
He falls to his knees, clutching his stomach. He looks up at me, a betrayed look in his eyes. I stand, frozen, for longer than I should. I drop the gun on the ground and kneel in front of him. My heart shatters, seeing the pain and betrayal in his eyes. I want to say something, but once again, my voice betrays me.
He looks down at his blood-covered hand and back up at me. My breaths become faster and faster as his become shallower. This can’t be happening. This can’t be real.
A tear slips out of my eye as he leans forward, leaning his forehead against mine. More follow as I feel his heart slow down. I wrap my arms around him, trying to hold my tears back. Not even a minute later, he goes limp. I pull back, setting my hands on his shoulders, shaking him, silently begging him to wake up, but nothing happens.
Tears slip down my cheeks and I squeeze my arms around him, begging his arms to return the gesture like they always do. I bury my face in his stiff shoulder, not caring about the blood or the tears. All I care about is the cold, stiff man in my arms. Sobs wrack my body until my tears are spent and my heart is empty. I pull back and turn away, not able to bear looking at his face. I gently lay him down on the ground and stand on shaking legs.
I turn, my eyes searching the room for the one responsible for this. To my disgust, she’s already left. She should consider herself lucky. The next time I see her will be the last. I swear that my face will be the last thing she sees.
I rlly love this. It literally gave me goosebumps…
I‘m usually not someone who likes stuff with violence or anything but this rlly emerged me. I kinda would want to jump into this story and know more….
Good use of basic human emotion. A person with some empathy would feel grieved looking at a man shot right in front of them. The twist going from the implication at the beginning is good. You give enough information to say the character has a gun, they are staring at a man shoot, and at first, it seems as though they made a mistake. But then, the true killer is exposed simply as “she”. The only part of this I would wish for is better concrete descriptions, but since you were writing about a man being shot, keeping a certain amount concealed adds to realism, since a shock would make most people forget specifics if they were recalling it themselves in the second. To paraphrase a character from MASH, you do hear the shot that kills you, but to add my own to that, that doesn’t mean those around you do.
Clever piece.
Shot, not shoot. lol
“Convey” is such an understatement for what the author did in this short passage. Wholeheartedly, I felt as though my own body transported into this room, I even began to paint a picture of the room, decipher the emotions and create an image of each face. I’m just taken aback by how much you were able to deliver in such few words! Love love love
I really feel this story. The first bit kinda shows my feelings sometimes when you feel regret for something you have done but can’t take back and the regret is slowly taking you over until you turn your guilt into anger. Good job!