As the flames grew, she made up her mind. She raced to her brother’s room, flinging the door open. “Dori, wake up!” she shouted, making her brother’s eyes fly open. “Maemae? What’s going on?” he asked, rubbing his tired eyes.  Mae ran to his bed, scooping him up on her back.  “Wait! We can’t leave LuLu!” he exclaimed, sliding off of her and grabbing his stuffed cat. “We don’t have time!” Mae exclaimed, picking him back up. Thankfully, he didn’t drop his cat. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to get him to leave without it. At this point, smoke had started to trail in through the doorway.  Mae ran down the hall as fast as she could with her brother, flinging the front door open and rushing outside. She turned back to the house. From the outside, you could just start to see the flames.  “Where are you going?” Dorian asked, worry seeping into his voice as he watched the light in the windows flicker where there wasn’t supposed to be light.  Mae walked towards the house. “I have to get them out,” she said, dashing back through the doorway, shocked by how much the flames had grown.  She sprinted up the stairwell, moving quickly on her long legs. Once she reached the top, she reeled back. The hallway was filled with flame. She couldn’t get to her parents’ rooms.  “Mother! Da!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “You have to get out! Open your window!”  She thought she heard a response, but the flames were creeping towards her, both from the hallway and from the bottom of the stairs. She coughed, her eyes watering from the smoke. After she heard the sound of her parents in their room, she dashed up the last flight of stairs, emerging on the roof where she took great gulps of the fresh air.  Down on the ground, she could just make out her brother standing on the dark lawn. “Maemae, why are you on the roof?” she could barely hear him shout over the roar of the flames beneath her.  She tried to slow her racing heart, but she was glad knowing that she had warned her parents. They could get out through their window. Now all she needed to do was jump down from the roof. Her dad had taught her how to land if she was falling, and she still remembered his lesson.  “I’ll be right down,” she shouted back at her brother. She stood at the edge of the roof, trying to still her trembling legs. Before she could think twice about it, she jumped. For most of the fall, she was confident that she would be okay. But then she made a mistake. She glanced at her brother to make sure he was okay, before landing hard on the ground, directly on her right leg. She crumpled to the dirt, feeling nausea creep up her throat. Her leg was bent all wrong, pain shooting up whenever she tried to move.  She cried out, cradling her twisted leg. Dorian ran towards her, his cat dangling from his hand.  “What happened to your leg?” he exclaimed, tears building up in his eyes.  Before she could respond, the house erupted into flames, a bright, shining light in the darkness. Her breath caught in her throat.  “Dori? Have you seen Ma and Da?” she asked, her voice quivering.  “I thought they were with you,” he said, his hands shaking. LuLu dropped to the ground. “Da? Da! Da, where are you?” he shouted, breathing heavily. He started to run towards the house, but Mae got a hold of his leg.  “You can’t go in there,” she said, a tear slipping out of her eye. “You’ll get trapped. Please don’t go in there.” He sank to the ground, clutching his stuffed animal in his arms and sobbing. Mae wrapped an arm around him, her breaths coming in heaving gasps as the house burned in front of them. They sat there all night, until the fire had died down to a smolder.  All too late, a group of Flame mages showed up in the small clearing, eventually coming upon Mae and her brother, still in each other’s arms.  “Hey, kids, what happened here?” one of them asked, squatting down next to them.  “The house burned down,” Mae said, her tears spent and her voice devoid of emotion. “My parents were inside.” The Flame mage stood awkwardly for a moment, unsure of how to comfort two kids who just lost their parents. After a moment, his eyes landed on Mae’s broken leg.  “Oh, my goodness,” he exclaimed. “We’d better get that fixed up for you.” Mae stood, leaning on her other leg and wincing in pain. She tugged up her brother, who was still sniffling and clutching his cat close to his chest.  As they started to walk away, Mae looked back at the house. _Don’t let it use you. _A tear slipped out of her eye as she stared at the smoldering ruins. “Twice as hard, Mae,” she muttered to herself, turning away. “Don’t let her be right. Twice as hard.” __

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the rest of that story,” Mae said, gesturing towards her leg. “That idiot mage didn’t set the bone right and it never really healed. I’ve learned to live with it, though. Got a nice cane made by a Maker mage, started to use it to my advantage. Guess it didn’t work well enough,” she said bitterly, thinking back to that meeting in her headmaster’s office.  Zein looked at her with watering eyes. “I… I’m so sorry,” he said sadly.  “It was a long time ago,” Mae said, looking out the window. They sat in silence for a moment.  “So, where _did _you get that little scar from?” Zein asked. Mae laughed. “That, kid, is from an oyster shucking knife from Seya that my Da gave me when he showed up on our doorstep with baby Dorian,” she said with a fond smile. “I was playing with it and it cut my leg. Da said it would go away,” she said, a tear building up in her eye. She blinked it away. “Anyway, story time is done. I’d better go get Dorian and LuLu to bed,” she said, standing up and limping down the hall.  After getting her brother to go to sleep, she sat down on the grass outside the little house, feeling the anger, regret, and grief from that night all over again. But this time, there was just a little bit of resentment.  She looked up at the stars. “You were right,” she said to no one in particular. “You were right.” She stared at the sky, a tear slipping down her cheek. “Are you happy now, Ma? You were right all along. I hope you’re happy.”

“So,” Zein said, his eyes flicking towards Mae’s propped-up leg. She was wearing shorts instead of her usual long pants. His eyes landed on a small, straight scar on her shin. “Where did you get that scar from?” She laughed. “You know, you don’t have to dance around my leg,” she said, gesturing to the bad limb. “If you want a story, I’ll give it to you.” Zein nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. “Well, I don’t tell this story to a lot of people,” she said, her mask falling away, “but I wouldn’t mind sharing it with one more.” She looked out the window, already getting lost in her memory. It didn’t take long for her to get transported back to that fateful autumn day, seven years ago. __

Thirteen-year-old Mae sat in front of the fire, her brow furrowed as she focused on the seed in front of her. Once she had collected herself, she flexed her fingers and clenched her fingers. The seed burst open, a delicate flower blooming on the end of a vibrant green stem. She looked up at her mother, an eager smile on her face. Her mother looked down her nose at the bloom, disdain in her eyes.  “Maenora, dear, you can do better than that,” she said, condescending. “You won’t get onto the Elites with that. Do it again,” she said, handing her another seed.  After placing it on the floor, she angrily closed her hand into a fist, causing a flower to spring out of the seed, missing two petals and sitting lopsided on its stem. Her mother clucked her tongue, shaking her head. “Remember, Maenora, anger is a weapon. Use it to your advantage. Don’t let it use you.” “Don’t let it use you,” Mae muttered to herself, setting the next seed down on the ground and taking a deep breath before connecting with the seed before clenching her fist and opening it up as the flower shot out of the seed, twice as big as the first. She whirled towards her mother, excitement in her eyes.  Her mother sneered. “Worthless.” She turned back towards her flower, seeing it quickly wither and crumble to the ground.  “B-but that was my best one!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never grown one that big!” Her mother shook her head, rising from her stool. “Worthless. I thought I taught you to be better than this. How disappointing.” She whirled out of the room, leaving her daughter on the floor, staring at her mother’s stool. She looked at her crumbled flower with tears in her eyes. “I… I thought I was finally getting better.” She shook her head, drying her tears with resolve on her face. She sat on the floor, hunched over her seeds for hours. By the time her father called for dinner, she had done it. She picked up a seed and ran into the other room, seeing her parents and her half-brother sitting at the table.  “Mother!” she raced towards her mother, who was already out of her seat. “Look at what I did!” She opened her fist, revealing the seed on her palm. She let her other hand’s fingers twitch before clenching them into a fist. The seed sprung open, an intricate flower almost as tall as her little brother growing out of it.  Her father clapped, grinning at the beaming smile on his daughter’s face. But she wasn’t looking at him. She was beaming at her mother.  “Look at it!” she said again, her smile beginning to fade as her mother stared at her with growing disappointment. “Ma? What’s wrong?” “Worthless,” she spat, anger seething beneath her surface but not yet spilling out. “If your brother were a mage, even _he _would be able to do that, and he’s six years old!” she exclaimed. “I thought you _wanted _to be one of the Elites,” she said. “I do!” Mae exclaimed, anger seething in her too. “Then prove it.” Mae set her flower on the ground, took another seed out of her pocket, and in her anger, she was only able to grow it to a height of two inches.  “Remember what I taught you, Maenora?” “Yes, mother.” “Work twice as hard. Is _that _twice as good as your last one?” she asked, pointing at the two flowers.  “No, mother.” “That’s what I thought,” the older elf said, her voice coming out as a whisper. “You’ll never get anywhere. You’ll just get dragged along with the rest, unable to pull your weight.” “Dear, I think that’s enough,” her da said, trying to calm the elf down. “No, I don’t believe that it is,” she said coldly. “I can’t believe my only child turned out to be a disappointment,” she whispered, loud enough to make sure Mae heard her clearly. Mae stood still, her body tense and her hands clenched, her tiny flower crushed in her hand. Her mother’s hand swung in an arc, her palm making contact with Mae’s cheek. At this point, her brother started to cry. Her father stood and carried the boy into another room as Mae stood in place, her face burning as anger seethed inside her. “Twice as hard, Mae,” her mother said, her voice colder than ice and twice as sharp. “Twice as hard.” As she left, she curled her fingers, making Mae’s flower shrivel. Anger roiled in Mae’s body as she watched her biggest achievement wither and die, her mother leaving the room without so much as a second glance.  Mae stormed to her room, slamming the door shut and kicking it, breathing hard.  “Why can’t I just be good enough?” she said to herself. “Why can’t she forget about the stupid magic stuff and just be proud of me?” She laid down on her bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to calm herself down. She sat up after a moment, determination in her eyes. “I’m going to get into that stupid group if it’s the death of me,” she muttered, standing up and grabbing her bag of seeds.  She sat down on the wooden floor, scattering the seeds over the ground. One at a time, she focused in on them and pulled them out of their seeds, but none of them exceeded a foot tall.  _Why can’t you be better? _ _Even your brother could do that! _ _My only child turned out to be a disappointment. _ _I thought you _wanted to be one of the Elites. You’re just dead weight. Is that twice as good? Worthless. Absolutely worthless. Mae flew to her feet, swinging her door open and walking down the hall, not even caring that she could wake someone up. She went into the family room where the fire was nearly completely extinguished. She placed a seed next to it and looked at the table where her mother kept all of her awards from the time she was in school The young elf focused on the seed, clenching her fist and opening it, swiping her hand to the side. The tiny vine snaked its way towards the dying fire, catching one of the embers. Mae swung her hand to the other side, taking the smoking vine towards the table. Sweat beaded on her brow as her hands shook, the vine threatening to stop. She focused harder, and moved her hand again, pushing the vine the rest of the way to the table. A few papers smoked for a moment before a small flame started up.  After a few seconds, Mae moved to put it out, satisfied with the small amount of damage she did to her mother’s collection. As she reached towards it, the flame leapt to another paper. She froze, panic replacing her anger.  “Nononono,” she muttered, her hands shaking as she raced to the kitchen to take a bit of water from their supply. She ran back to the family room with a cup of water in hand, only to find that the flames had grown, consuming the whole table. “Mother! Da!” she shouted, her panic growing. “Someone!”

She had always been the dutiful child. She loved to sit with our parents, telling them about how well her lessons were going. Me, I would sit in my room and write myself into stories, pretending I was somewhere else. She had always been the beautiful child. She never had to curl her hair or do makeup to make the boys around her look. Me, I sat by myself, casting illusions to make myself look like someone else. She had always been the outgoing child. She would talk to every guest at a party, making friends with each of them in minutes. Me, I stayed in the corner, terrified that someone would make eye contact with me. She had always been the popular child. She drew the eye of everyone who saw her, collecting admirers like they were cards. Me, I was like a pebble next to her mountain, hiding in her shadow. She had always been the proper child. She practiced her curtsy and learned where to put the oyster fork and the dessert spoon. Me, I would use the same fork for everything and trip over my feet in a dance. She had always been the favorite child. I could see it in how our parents smiled when she neared and barely noticed me at all. I could see it in how her instructors took pride in what she did and how mine had stopped trying by the time I was twelve. I could see it in how boys looked at her, in how the citizens adored her, and in how she barely had to try to succeed. Sure, she shone brighter than me. I was like a distant star to her shining sun. Sure, she stood taller than me. I was a sapling to her pine. Was I ever jealous? No. Why? Well, she had always been _my _favorite sister.

As I sit in my hospital room thinking about how much my life sucks, my mind senses something… off. I sit up, cocking my head in confusion. That… that can’t be right. Something must be wrong. I throw the blankets off and leap out of the bed, my head swimming for a second as I race for the door.  There’s no way. How could he have found me? I have to get Kali out of this place before he gets here.  I sprint through the hall, shoving people out of my way.  “Get out of here!” I shout as I run past doors, trying to find the stairs. “You all need to leave!” I shove a door open, finally seeing the stairs. I start running down the stairwell, jumping down four stairs at a time. I stop at every level, shouting at the staff to evacuate the building. After reaching the ground floor, I burst out, my heart racing and my head pounding.  “Kali! Kali, where are you?” I make a beeline for the cafeteria. Knowing Kali, she would go to get food after that. With a stroke of luck, I end up in the cafeteria.  “Kali?” I look around the room and spot her sitting by herself at a table, staring at a bowl of soup. “Kali!”  She looks up at me and looks straight back at her soup. I run up to her. “Kali, we have to leave,” I say, shaking her shoulder. She sighs. “Penny, I don’t want to see you right now.” “No, you don’t get it, you’re in danger-” I hear a crash. Shit.  People start screaming and I hear another crash.  “Alright Kali, let’s get out of this place,” I say, grabbing her arm and tugging her with me.  “But what about everyone else!” she exclaims. I look around, seeing people running all over the place.  “I can’t do anything without my powers,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t do anything to help.” Kali shakes me off and runs towards a family. She starts guiding them towards an exit, shooting a glare at me over her shoulder. Fine. I join her, leading people out of the building until we all end up in the street in front of the hospital. I look around wildly, trying to track him down. Luckily, I don’t have to see him to know where he is. I have to get him to stop. I take off down the street, ignoring Kali’s shouts. I’ll find him.  The crashes and explosions have stopped. Where is he? I stop and tilt my head, reaching out and trying to figure out where he is. There. I take off down an alleyway, following the feeling in my mind. It doesn’t take long to find him after that. I turn down a corner and see him standing in an alley amid stacks of crates.  “Well, hello there, Penny,” he says with a smile in his voice, still facing away from me.  “How did you find me?” I ask, controlling the waver in my voice.  “Wasn’t hard,” he says, “but I think you already know how I found you.” He turns around, a grin on his face. He’s one of the few in the city who don’t even wear a mask, so I can see his whole face. Seeing him after all this time is a bit of a shock, but I keep my face blank.  “Atlikim,” I say, taking a deep breath. “You need to stop this.” “Oh, you’re sticking with that name, are you?” he says, grinning. He keeps his emotions hidden, but I can see that that one got to him. He opens his mouth to continue when someone comes around the corner. “Oh, who are you?” “Get away from her, freak!” Shit.  He smiles. “Well, Penny, it seems like it’s time for my departure. I’ll see you soon.” With a wink, he flickers out of the alley.  Kali comes up next to me, panting. “Who was that?” she demands. “What’s going on? Why did he know your name? Why-” “Penny, let’s go home. We’ll talk there. I promise. I’ll tell you everything.” “Fine.” Kali takes my hand and we walk out of the alley, heading home, away from the hospital where fire trucks and ambulances are just now showing up. “You’d better tell me everything. No more secrets, okay?” “Okay,” I say with a nod. “I’m sorry about what happened earlier. I didn’t mean any of that.” “It’s alright,” she says, smiling. “I know.” As we walk through the streets, I try to collect my thoughts. What was he doing at the hospital? Why was he looking for me? And I have to tell Kali about all of it, whether I’m ready or I’m not.

I knew the second it happened that my body was no longer mine to control. I didn’t feel it coming; you never do. It just happens, and then you’re left at the mercy of that stupid kid who takes people to be his playthings. Once he has a hold of you, you can’t do anything to stop him. Just wait until he lets you go. Damien didn’t notice right away. He walked next to me, chatting as we walked through the damp tunnel as the kid using my body forced words out of my mouth that weren’t mine. I wanted to scream at him to get out, but I couldn’t; I was a prisoner in my own mind. I knew what this kid does to people who come after him. He gets rid of them. I couldn’t let Damien fall into his hands, but I couldn’t even warn him. Couldn’t send him a sign. Couldn’t get him out of this cursed place.  It didn’t take long for us to reach the cliff; the place where Damien said we would find this kid. My heart would have been racing if I hadn’t been trapped.  “Well, here we are,” Damien said, looking out over the underground grotto. “So, what now? They didn’t exactly tell me what we’re supposed to do after we get here. Like, where do we find this kid?” “I don’t know,” the kid said through my mouth, “maybe down there?” He points my hand out at the water.  “I guess it’s worth a shot,” Damien said, making his way over towards the cliff’s edge.  _No no no, _I thought, this is a trap, this is a trap, this is a trap. But I couldn’t do anything about it. Damien looked out over the edge. “I don’t see anything-” His words were cut off when my arms extended, pushing him over the edge. The kid released me a fraction of a second later, allowing me to dive forward and grab Damien’s wrist.  “No no no, please don’t fall,” I muttered, trying my best to hold on.  “Livi?” his eyes were wide and I could see his heart pounding through his t-shirt. “What… what’s happening?” “He had me,” I said, breathing heavily, trying to pull him back up onto the ledge without any success.  Damien looked down to the ground and his eyes widened further.  “Livi, you need to let go,” he said, heart racing. “What?!” I exclaimed, “I’m not letting you go! I’m not going to lose you!”  “Please,” he said, shaking his head, “I’m finished. You still have a chance to get away from this place.” “No no no,” I murmured, shaking my head. “You’re all I have left. I can’t lose anyone else.” He looked back down, then back up at me. His eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “I’m sorry, Livi,” he said, “but I won’t let you die.” He pried my fingers off his arm, leaving me to watch as he seemed to fall in slow motion down to the ground, out of my sight.  I sat back from the edge, filled with confusion. Grief. _Anger. _He was all that I had left. He was the only one. I wiped my eyes and stood up, anger filling me. I’m going to find that kid, and I swear to the gods, I will get my vengeance.

“_They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. Harry could hear the drone of hundreds of voices from a doorway to the right - the rest of the school must already be here - but Professor McGonagall showed the first-years into a small empty chamber off the hall,” _I read, reading the passage for what must be the fourth time in a row. Nothing seems to be sticking in my mind as I sit here, listening to my teacher drone on about something or other. I’m barely even a Harry Potter fan. It’s just the only book that was in my bag. I turn back to the book. “_They crowded in, standing rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously. ‘Welcome to Hogwarts,’ said Professor McGonagall. ‘The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because-” _my reading is abruptly cut off by the bell. I shut the book and hurry out the door, making my way towards my lunch table, where I sit down by myself, just as usual. No one’s ever offered to sit here with me, and I don’t think anyone’s planning on it. I’d love to have someone to talk to about books I’m reading and stories I’m cooking up, but no one’s interested.  I flip the book back open to the page I left on and continue. “_The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwards. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your house common room. The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin.” _I look up from the book and glance around myself, seeing the people around me talking and laughing with each other, and feel a pang of jealousy. I wish I could have that. Why is it that it’s only popular kids and sporty kids that get to have friends? It’s not fair. I wish I had friends that I could talk and laugh with, go to the mall with, and have sleepovers with. Well, there’s still two and a half more years of middle school to make friends. Not that I’ll be able to do it, anyways.  I look back at the book and do a double take when the pages start glowing. Like, glowing bright. I try to shut it, but it seems to want to stay open. I glance around the room to make sure that no one is watching before touching the page. My finger goes into the book. Into the book.  I quickly pull back, but before I can get away, it pulls me in, and after a second surrounded by white light, I find myself in a room crammed with people. My heart starts racing as I look around, trying to figure out where I am.  “Hey, you there!” A voice calls to me with a sharp English accent.  I turn around and find myself face-to-face with a tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes. My eyes widen as I realized exactly where I am. I’m in the book. “Where are your robes?” she asks, annoyed.  I look down at myself and realize that I’m still wearing jeans and a t-shirt with my favorite hoodie.  “Oh, uh, I guess that I don’t have them?” I say with a stutter.  “Oh, for goodness sake,” she mumbles. She waves her wand and says some very magic-sounding words and a set of robes appears over my school clothes.  “Woah,” I mutter. Magic. Real magic. “Thank you,” I say, amazed.  “I’ll find you some better ones after the Sorting Ceremony,” she says, walking away.  Oh shoot. I forgot about the ceremony.  Not long after, we get called out of the room and people start getting sorted. I run a hand through my hair, anxious. Thankfully, I’m close to the front of the line, and it doesn’t take long for me to get up to the Sorting Hat. It very quickly decides that I am a Ravenclaw before I get sent off to one of the long tables arranged in the Great Hall.  A group of kids waves me over to them, inviting me to sit with them. That’s a first.  “Hello!” A boy with short, ginger hair says with a smile. “I’m Nolan. Nice to meet you!”  “I’m Kelly, nice to meet you too,” I say, timidly. As they keep talking to me, I find myself warming up. It really is nice to talk to people for a change.  Later on, we get sent to dormitories, where I meet my roommates. They’re all quite excited to talk to me, and we stay up late chatting about where we’re from and our family and hobbies. I’ve never done this before.  That night, laying in bed, I think about how I’m going to get home. I glance over at the others, some of whom are still whispering to each other. I smile to myself. This is the life I’ve always wanted. Maybe getting home can wait a little bit longer.

Have you ever felt out of place? Like you’re in the wrong body? In the wrong role? In the wrong life?

If you’ve felt those things, people may have told you that it’s wrong That you aren’t supposed to be that way, that you’re just right the way you are That you were born in this body into this role because that’s how it’s supposed to be That this is who you are and who you always will be, but they must be wrong

They don’t know what it’s like to use a voice that isn’t yours They don’t know what it’s like to wear a face that doesn’t belong to you They don’t know what it’s like to live in a body that should be someone else’s They don’t know what it’s like to be a square peg in a round hole

The discomfort when you work out, not wearing your binder because you know it’s bad for you but people stare and call you ‘young lady’ The sadness when your family calls you ‘daughter’ even after you’ve told them that that’s never what you’ve been The embarrassment when you forget to force your voice lower, making the others have second thoughts The pain when no matter what you do, you know that you’ll still be a square peg in a round hole

Even the simple matter of existing is hard Nowhere to turn for comfort No one who will listen No place where you can just be

Out on your bike, constantly tugging at and repositioning your shirt, trying to make your chest look flatter but knowing that all the people you pass will see you as a girl At the music store where your brother’s friend greets you as your brother’s sister because he doesn’t know When you start a new class in school and the teacher calls out that name and you fold in on yourself because that isn’t your name During science class when your classmate calls you a name that isn’t yours even though several teachers you share call you a different name Sharing contact information and having to explain that you can’t change your username because your family is on the platform and would ask why it’s different Playing a solo in jazz and being introduced with a name that isn’t meant to be yours Winning an award and walking onto the stage only to be announced as someone who you aren’t supposed to be Constantly being reminded that you’re always going to be a square peg in a round hole

They tell you to hide it away, that no one cares Your parents tearfully say that you’ve been their little girl for so long Strangers online tell you that you’re mentally ill and you don’t matter Classmates refuse to call you by your name even though you’ve told them countless times

A square peg can be whittled into the desired shape A square can turn into a circle with enough change Eventually they can cram you into your place The place you were never meant to be in the first place

But what if you never wanted that place? What if you’re meant to be different? What if you don’t need others to approve? What if you can be a square and not need to be forced into a role?

Cut away the people who refuse to accept you Meet new people with your head held high Not be afraid to correct someone if they get it wrong Wear your flag with pride

Reach out to kids feeling the same things you do Let them know that the things they feel are valid Help them find who they are Make sure they never feel like they need to fit into a place they don’t want

It’s hard, and it may feel impossible at some times But you’ll get through it, and you’ll be more of yourself because of it Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise Wear that flag with pride, and be proud that you are a square peg in your very own place

Klaen groaned, pushed herself up onto her knees and shook her head, trying to orient herself. People started to gather around her in confusion, having just seen a girl with slightly pointed ears and dressed in green and brown robes fall out of the sky a minute prior.  She pushed herself to her feet, staggering slightly before regaining her balance. She looked around, waving away the people who approached her.  “Where am I?” she muttered, her brow creasing. She approached someone who was recording the whole thing. “You there,” she said, pushing his phone out of the way. “Where are we?” “N-New York,” he stuttered, backing up.  “What realm is that?” she asked, tilting her head.  “Uh, realm?” he replied, laughing. “We’re in the US. You know, New York City?” She pushed past him and shoved the others out of her way, breaking free of the mob, most of whom were still trying to get pictures of the mysterious girl who dropped out of the sky.  After breaking free of the crowd, she could finally get a good view of her surroundings. She was surrounded by buildings that stretched to the sky and roads filled with vehicles. She pushed through the crowds on the sidewalk, trying to find information. Not long after, she found a newspaper stand. She snatched up the latest issue, but threw it back down. “What language is this?” she asked the man behind the stand.  “Uh, English? What else?” he said, lazily taking a sip of his drink.  “These aren’t any glyphs I recognize,” she muttered, looking at the page again. She looked around at the people around her, all wearing clothes she didn’t recognize and carrying around small devices with bright screens. “What the hell is this place?” she said to herself, leaving the stand.  As she walked, a thought occurred to her. Panicked, she drew upon her power, and to her relief, sprouts surged out of the ground. “Thank the gods,” she whispered. Her magic was still intact.  She thought back to what had happened. A mysterious man, ambiguous instructions, an ancient portal. She swore. “That portal was meant to take me home,” she said, angered. She looked back at the intersection she had been dumped out at. “He’s going to pay for that.”

“Ugh, where am I?” I mutter, blinking the darkness out of my vision. I’m on a bed in a clean-looking white room with the right side of my vision covered. “Kali? Kali! Where are you?” I bolt upright in bed, ignoring the sharp pain in my back. “Penny, I’m right here.” I hear Kali’s gentle voice come from beside me. “Lay back down. Don’t hurt yourself,” she adds, setting her hand on my shoulder and gently pushing me back down onto the bed. “Where are we?” I ask after a second.  “In the hospital, silly,” she says with a chuckle. “The ambulance got there not long after you passed out. They ran you here and got you fixed up.” “Was anything really bad?” I ask, holding my breath. “No, you’re fine,” she says, fast enough to tell me that she’s hiding something. I turn my head to look at her. “What’s wrong?” I ask, dread building. “Well, there was one thing,” she says, playing with her hair. “Your… your eye was pretty badly damaged.” My heart sinks. “The doctors weren’t able to save it. I’m sorry,” she says, casting her eyes to the ground.  I reach a hand up to my hand, feeling for my right eye. My breath hitches as my fingers pass over a smooth patch where I should feel my eye.  Kali looks at me. “Are you going to be okay?”  “I…” I hesitate, looking at the room in front of me and only being able to see half of it. “No. I need both eyes,” I say, my eyes welling up. “I need both of them. I…” I stare into space, my hand dropping to the bed. “I’m going to be useless.” “Penny, you’re not useless,” Kali says, setting her hand on my shoulder and squeezing. “You’re still the same person.” “That’s not what I’m talking about!” I exclaim. I try to get my breathing under control. “I… I can create illusions,” I say, sitting up in the bed. “Or at least, I could. All sorts of things; visual illusions were my best. I… I don’t know how it works, but I need my eyes to create them. So, if my eyes are shut, I can’t create illusions. Now that I just have one…” I cast my eye over to the corner of the room and try my best to create an illusion, but all I get is a flickering of the light. “I’m useless.” “Oh, Penny, it’ll be fine,” Kali says. “You don’t need illusions to be an amazing person.” “I need my illusions to be Amethyst Star,” I say, my hands shaking. “You don’t have to be Amethyst Star,” Kali says, shaking her head. “Why can’t you just be Penny Brenyn? I don’t want you out there risking your life anymore. I want you at home, with me. When I saw you in that alley, I was terrified that I would lose you. I don’t want to live with that fear.” “Amethyst Star is my life!” I exclaim, angrily. “She’s everything I couldn’t be as Penny. She’s my escape. She’s my way to help people. She’s _everything _to me.” Kali looks at me, hurt flashing across her face. “There was a time you said that about me, too.” She stands and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her.  I slam my fist into the bed, a tear slipping down my cheek. I knew this day would come, I just hoped it wouldn’t today. I don’t want to choose between my lives. Between my other self and Kali. When I lose one, I lose the other.  I look back at the door, hoping for Kali to step back through so I can apologize. No one comes.  My eye wells with tears and I draw my knees up to my chest, pressing my face into my knees. I was wrong. I’m not ready for this. Not at all.

I hear a sharp knock on the door. “Ma’am, I have your breakfast, may I come in?” I throw my journal into my desk, slamming the drawer shut before responding. “Yeah, you can come in,” I shout over my shoulder.  “You know, Your Highness, you really should come downstairs and join your family for meals every now and then,” Neri says with a chiding smile, setting the polished silver tray down on the table next to the door.  “I’ll think about it,” I say, playing with the pen on my desk.  “Well, Princess, I’m sure that they would be happy to see you,” she says, hesitating by the door to see if I’ll come out. I don’t. She sighs. “Enjoy your breakfast, Princess Litaan,” she says, stepping out.  “Thank you,” I say, waiting until she’s left to head to the door and pick up my breakfast tray. I set it down on my desk and am about to sit down and eat when I catch my reflection in the corner of my eye.  I turn and face the mirror, flinching at my appearance. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I can see my hair shortening and my dress morphing into a loose-fitting shirt with a pale blue capelet paired with gray pants and pale gray tightly-laced boots. I stand in front of the mirror, trying to ignore the fact that this is just a costume. Not who I am. Just a child playing dress-up.  I hear another knock at the door and I quickly let the illusion fade. Back to me. Princess Litaan. Right.  “Come in!” I shout.  The door glides open, revealing my sister.  “Lili, come on! The dressmaker just got here!”  “I’ll be down in a moment,” I say, pasting a pleasant smile onto my face.  “Be quick!” My sister skips back down the hall.  I brush my hair back and track down a pair of shoes before heading to the door, breakfast forgotten. I’ll be in trouble if I don’t get there on time.  Before I leave, I glance back at the mirror one last time and ignore the pain I feel when I see it. When I look in the mirror, I see a princess. If that’s what I’m meant to be, why does it hurt so much?