my heart was full and way too busy

carrying my trembling feet

“stand right next to me” i pleaded

once i turned around the sheet

bright screen lights from everywhere

but i'm doing what i must

faces blurry from the vision

other people set for us

grabbing at you like a straw

sorry i'm a mess right now

all of this is way too much

but there's no way to back out

breath is catching in my throat

and suddenly my head gets clear

nothing matters anyway

and no one knows i'm acting here

so if i just perform too well

they will not look beyond my shell

i need no mask and no costume

to be looked at in every room

it naturally comes to me

my masquerade ability

and sometimes it feels like a chore

and i can't take it anymore

sometimes i rest

my head inside my hands

and i grow tired

of following demands

i locked myself in.

i can't keep it up.

i searched for an exit.

so far without luck.

i think i should tell you,

i haven't rehearsed.

but you know the script,

and that makes me feel worse.

i still try to learn it.

i improvise words.

but being autistic can feel like a curse.