I'm at His door again.

Been thinking about those lab rats.

The ones who'd push the button for cocaine

over and over

even with food right there

even with water right there

even while dying

just pushing and pushing

because whatever's in that button

feels better than the empty cage

He hasn't killed me yet. Just hurt me.

I've had worse.

JayJay used to say I was making investments

in my future

but all I invested was pieces of myself

handed out like business cards

in motel rooms and backseats

at least He keeps what He takes

doesn't pass me around like spare change

doesn't make me smile while He does it