All she ever wanted

Was the love meant for the screens

And as her back fell against her bedroom door,

Tears hit on her cheeks

She realized nothing is as it seems.

“I love you”s don’t mean a thing

Boys, men, there is no difference

Because no one was listening.

She fell to the ground, and her hands fisted the carpet

As she stifled hard sobs,

She feared created a racket.

She had made a life for herself,

Finally found out who she was

But now she was back at square one,

And she didn’t even know how to start.

What was the thinking?

Getting involved with him?

But she knew the answer,

deep within her soul,

She didn’t think,

Instead she listen to her heart

And did as it told.

She regretted every moment,

every stolen kiss,

Every date he was late to,

And every birthday he’d miss.

She wanted more than to feel lonely,

Not that she was ever alone

It was the fact that only she knew how to be herself

In her own body,

In her head.

She wanted to share her life with someone,

The simple things,

Waking up together,

And accidentally cheating on a movie binge.

She wanted to laugh, from her heart

And not be told she was too loud.

She wanted to fit in, but at the same time stand out,

Because so matter what, he’d find her

In any crowd.

The man of her own making, was simply that

Left to the extremities of her imagination,

And with every broken heart, he faded just a little bit,

And she moved on faster.

Her standards dropped

And now she was in a pit,

But she wasn’t ever going to be ruined by a man,

And worst of all, change herself for him.

She got up,

brush off her tears,

Smiled a shaky smile in the mirror,

And made a promise, to only feel.

She’s never listen to her head, that she knew

But at least now

She’d remember her standards

And know how to choose.

And if she doesn’t find someone,

Maybe it’s meant to be,

Maybe I’ll learn how to live alone,

Find peace with the lonely,

And maybe, just maybe,

I’ll find a home within me.

Maybe.