Staring in the mirror

I raise my hand

The girl in the mirror raises her hand

I touch my face, I feel my fingers against my cheek

The girl in the mirror does the same

I recognize that I’m touching something, that I’m feeling something

But I’m not really there.

I stare into my own eyes

My reflection does nothing.

I know I should feel something

So why don’t I?

Why have all my emotions left me?

It feels so empty,

like I’m not here

I know I’m not depressed

But there is literally nothing there.

No happiness

No sadness

Not even confusion

Just a dead heart

that’s not really dead.

This happened multiple times in a span of five minutes

I would look away from the mirror

Move my hands, my face

Just to know I was alive

My heart was beating, I could feel it.

But I turned back to the mirror

& my body dissociated myself

I wasn’t in my right mind.

Days later, weeks later, it happened again

Except this time, I was overwhelmed

My emotions became too much

I tried to shut them down, shut them out

I lost myself

I felt like I was in a dream

Why can’t I feel like me again?