I have held many things in my hands and have lost them all. I once held a crown, a kingdom, and love. These halls once filled with laughter, now silent. A king once strong and whole, now shattered, insane. The people throng around outside my empty castle.

“My prince, give us aid.”

“Save us my prince.”

“Oh prince, help us.”

They clamor for answers and they accuse.

“You stay in your castle, your palace of gold. Do you care nothing for your people? You leave us to suffer and you leave us to bleed. This plague consumes us while you fatten and feed.”

They don’t understand, here is where it began. I was the first to see the bodies. I was the first to close glassy open eyes. I was the the first to be broken. Or perhaps just the first to lie.

Can’t they see how I try. Oh, I know it’s not enough. If my love wasn’t enough for my family then how could it be enough for them. I’ve tried to hide the bodies, disregard the ghosts in the hall. No, of course I still hear them in their rooms and in the halls.

Blood stained hands, not their blood but mine. For as much as you take and you take and you take, and expect me to be fine. I am your ruler. I am your prince. I bear your burdens. I hurt just as much as you do. I weep and I bleed and I burn. I carry the burdens. I swallow the pain. I learn to live with the curse. If I could I would sacrifice myself. Throw myself off that cliff. I would care the pain of the world. Tear myself apart. Take on your tears, your sorrow, your anguish, so that you could be just okay. For what am I but an extra. A spare. A jinx. If this blood dripping down on the marble could atone then let it be known. I’d bleed and I’d bleed and I’d bleed rose red on frozen stone. Blood mixed with the water, won’t someone make it alright. A faint hope of tomorrow. A joy so far away. I close my eyes and I here you. I go quietly into the night.

A/N

This is a bit of a character study on a character in a book I’m writing. In the story a plague/curse in the kingdom that causes excruciating pain and hal​lu​ci​na​tions. The royal family has taken the brunt of the curse and my character is the only one still alive/ not completely insane. The people think that he is removed and aloof from everything when in truth he suffers the most.